An Irish Lesbian's thoughts and observations…

Posts tagged ‘Love’

Why I’m starting to hate shopping…

There’s no denying that we live in a very money driven world. In every shop there’s dozens of items for sale that we really don’t need yet are constantly bought anyway. On every sale day there’s people fighting for the best price for more and more items. I’m guilty of buying unnecessary items too of course. I’m sure we all are. Recently however I had a thought that I really disliked. I actually got sad that I didn’t have more money. I got annoyed that so many items are so difficult to afford and that coping financially isn’t easy for me. Maybe I was having these feelings because of the commercialism of the festive season or maybe it was just niggling at me anyway but I definitely didn’t like being annoyed
about something which is technically so fickle. I have a roof over my head, enough clothes and enough food so isn’t that good enough?

I always try to operate under the rule of “A bargain isn’t a bargain unless you are going to use it” but sometimes I mess up in the heat of the moment. I see something, it fits and feels good on and then I realise that I don’t need another t shirt or when am I even going to wear this shirt anyway? I found myself thinking a few months back that I needed a pair of shoes ‘in case I ever need them’. What? If I need them I’ll get them then, simple. We are constantly being bombarded by ads telling us we need the latest technology and the newest clothes. No, you don’t. Buy whatever you really want and if that happens to be the latest technology then great, off you go, but if not then save yourself some money and stick to what you have because if you’re aiming to keep up with the latest trends then you’ll eventually start to feel like you’re just going around in circles. My best advice to you on this issue is to just try not to let money bring you down. Don’t allow yourself to feel bad about something that doesn’t really matter at the end of the day.

Spend more time with those you love doing what you love and I’m sure you’ll feel way better than you did chasing items you think you’ll love.

Take care guys,
Alesbianspeaks

Happy Anniversary To Us

Quick post again because I’m super busy lately… Exciting times guys and gals! Tomorrow (or maybe it’s today somewhere) will be our 3rd wedding anniversary! Time has flown by so much but I couldn’t have found a better person to spend it with. It doesn’t feel like three years since we said our vows in front of our friends and family in an intimate venue followed by a buffet, cake and just enough alcohol to toast the occasion.

We’ve grown together as a couple and have grown as individuals with each other’s help. The spark is still there more than ever so that makes this anniversary even more special. Nobody could ever come close to being as amazing as she is to me.

Cherish your loved ones because they are so precious. Don’t settle for someone you like when the one who makes your heart beat faster is out there waiting for you. I found the one who makes my heart beat faster in a dirty pub that is really the very last place that you would think that true love could blossom in yet it did. ‘Chasing Cars’ by Snow Patrol is our song so three guesses what will be on repeat in our house this week… Have a great love filled week everyone!

Best wishes to you all,
Alesbianspeaks

Let’s Speak About My Obsessive Ex

Today I’d like to tell you all about the confusing, angst ridden ball of fire that was my girlfriend back when I was sixteen. She seemed great at first but everyone does. We met face to face but barely spoke, got talking online a few days later and suddenly I had a girlfriend. I was excited about the new relationship despite the fact that it was sort of long distance with her being almost three hours away which feels very long distance when you’re sixteen.

It turned out that she was a seriously selfish, self obsessed liar with no respect for me at all with no desire to show affection unless someone else seemed interested. She invented an eating disorder that she never actually had as well as lying about some other pretty big stuff. I think she enjoyed the attention that came with these lies but the lying cost her a lot when her friends found out the truth. I think it irritated me most that she had a job and I didn’t yet I was the one expected to pay a small fortune travelling to see her just for her to act like she couldn’t care less if I was there or not. If another woman was talking to me on Bebo (yep, Bebo was the big thing back then) she had to jump in and make her presence known by commenting with “Hey, how’s my girlfriend today?” or something equally intended to mark her territory. She told everyone that I was a great girlfriend so everyone thought our relationship was going brilliantly. Everyone except me. If I had any problems she ran a mile and didn’t want to listen but I still spent hours listening to her issues that ended up being totally fictitious. If I was randomly in her area she was always too busy to spare a few minutes for me. Needless to say that relationship didn’t last long but she did try to remain present in my life popping up every few months.

Years later she was mere background noise that I barely paid attention to anymore. I should have known that something was bound to trigger her possessive nature again and that something was my marriage. A few days before our wedding my wife got a friend request from her and before she could decide either to accept or decline she had also received a private message. This message went like this “Hi, I’m alesbianspeaks’ ex – girlfriend. I hope you’re happy with her and treat her right, like I never could, she definitely deserves it.” I would have perceived this message to be a lot more thoughtful if it wasn’t so self pitying and if it wasn’t also followed by a private message to my own account asking if I was sure I wanted to marry “this person”. She feigned interest in our wedding and the clothes we had chosen to wear before she gave up whatever she was trying to do. I didn’t allow her to penetrate my thoughts further over the days after this communication because, honestly, she was nothing more than my past to me and she belonged there. She wasn’t the worst and I accept that there was some good times with her too but I never had strong feelings for her so leaving her behind was the obvious thing to do. She hung around for another few months virtually before she decided it was time to unfriend me. Her presence didn’t bother me – I think I was beyond caring. Maybe she stayed for a while because she wanted to see if I really seemed happy. I don’t know.

Staying friends with an ex is a complicated issue that is everyone’s own decision to make but some old flames are more hassle to keep around than they’re worth. It’s okay to say see ya around to your past and move on because moving on is essential in life. A big mistake, in my opinion, is to allow an ex to control your future. Nobody should have that power except you. I don’t know anything about her life anymore and that’s perfectly fine by me. I just thought I’d tell you all about her to show you that it is easy for someone to retain power over you if you allow them to and you can only really move forward when you stop allowing this to happen.

Take care,
Best wishes,
Alesbianspeaks

Free Compliments!

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For all of the times that I’m too hard on myself and for all the harsh judgments I cast upon myself I actually forget about all of the compliments I’ve received. Compliments are sweet gifts of the tongue. There’s always something compliment worthy so why not go ahead and tell someone that they brighten your day or that you think they have an awesome smile? It’s free to give away a kind thought so go for it!

I think some people get a bit embarrassed when it comes to handing out compliments so if you’re one of those people maybe you could write it down? My Mom decorates her Christmas cards with messages that express her love for you and that often detail her favourite parts of you and your character. It’s very sweet and makes a simple card a lot more fun.

Pass a compliment on, pay it forward, do a good deed… you never know how much it can change someone’s day. A compliment has often made a crappy day a million times better for me.

Much appreciation,
Alesbianspeaks

Sheltered Thoughts

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Let the bough break, let it come down crashing
Let the sun fade out to a dark sky
I can’t say I’d even notice it was absent
‘Cause I could live by the light in your eyes
I’ll unfold before you
Would have strung together
The very first words of a lifelong love letter

Sara Bareilles – I Choose You Lyrics

Poem – Magic

Away from you, even for a moment, I become a fading shade of a better me
Clinging to the wisps of your scent still lingering sweetly
Finding you in my arms, so warm, a fire I dare to tame
Our mouths and eyes open to echoe thoughts the same
My heart beats as ink flows through my very core
My mind whispers words that messily spill as you pour
Lips collide to lay foundation to our future together
Your scent cradles me as it softly dances. You’re my ever better.

Our Imperfections Make Us Perfect

John Legend – You & I (Nobody In The World)

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Pi3bc9lS3rg

This video actually brought tears to my eyes (yes, I’m a big softy!) because it brings together a collection of so many women of different shapes, sizes and colour and encourages them to love themselves. We are all beautiful in so many different ways. I hate hearing anyone put themselves down, especially because of their looks. I allowed my looks to hold me back from being more adventurous and I ended up regretting doing that. Scars, weight and stretch marks are all part of simply being human. I do my best to dress well and look good but I don’t allow it to consume my thoughts. I lost a lot of weight and as a result my upper arms have stretch marks and a small amount of loose skin. My arms don’t look really bad but let’s face it: you are your own worst critic. Last summer I allowed myself to get upset about my flaws and I let it stop me from wearing certain things. This year I vowed to put it to the back of my mind and do whatever I like while wearing whatever I like so that’s exactly what I did. I feel so much better now. Overlooking your imperfections can be an overwhelming task but you can do it and you can embrace the way you look too.

I challenge you to think of at least three things that you like about your looks.

Remember, our imperfections make us human and your imperfections are so perfect.

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