Why I’m starting to hate shopping…

There’s no denying that we live in a very money driven world. In every shop there’s dozens of items for sale that we really don’t need yet are constantly bought anyway. On every sale day there’s people fighting for the best price for more and more items. I’m guilty of buying unnecessary items too of course. I’m sure we all are. Recently however I had a thought that I really disliked. I actually got sad that I didn’t have more money. I got annoyed that so many items are so difficult to afford and that coping financially isn’t easy for me. Maybe I was having these feelings because of the commercialism of the festive season or maybe it was just niggling at me anyway but I definitely didn’t like being annoyed
about something which is technically so fickle. I have a roof over my head, enough clothes and enough food so isn’t that good enough?

I always try to operate under the rule of “A bargain isn’t a bargain unless you are going to use it” but sometimes I mess up in the heat of the moment. I see something, it fits and feels good on and then I realise that I don’t need another t shirt or when am I even going to wear this shirt anyway? I found myself thinking a few months back that I needed a pair of shoes ‘in case I ever need them’. What? If I need them I’ll get them then, simple. We are constantly being bombarded by ads telling us we need the latest technology and the newest clothes. No, you don’t. Buy whatever you really want and if that happens to be the latest technology then great, off you go, but if not then save yourself some money and stick to what you have because if you’re aiming to keep up with the latest trends then you’ll eventually start to feel like you’re just going around in circles. My best advice to you on this issue is to just try not to let money bring you down. Don’t allow yourself to feel bad about something that doesn’t really matter at the end of the day.

Spend more time with those you love doing what you love and I’m sure you’ll feel way better than you did chasing items you think you’ll love.

Take care guys,
Alesbianspeaks

Happy Anniversary To Us

Quick post again because I’m super busy lately… Exciting times guys and gals! Tomorrow (or maybe it’s today somewhere) will be our 3rd wedding anniversary! Time has flown by so much but I couldn’t have found a better person to spend it with. It doesn’t feel like three years since we said our vows in front of our friends and family in an intimate venue followed by a buffet, cake and just enough alcohol to toast the occasion.

We’ve grown together as a couple and have grown as individuals with each other’s help. The spark is still there more than ever so that makes this anniversary even more special. Nobody could ever come close to being as amazing as she is to me.

Cherish your loved ones because they are so precious. Don’t settle for someone you like when the one who makes your heart beat faster is out there waiting for you. I found the one who makes my heart beat faster in a dirty pub that is really the very last place that you would think that true love could blossom in yet it did. ‘Chasing Cars’ by Snow Patrol is our song so three guesses what will be on repeat in our house this week… Have a great love filled week everyone!

Best wishes to you all,
Alesbianspeaks

Let’s Speak About My Obsessive Ex

Today I’d like to tell you all about the confusing, angst ridden ball of fire that was my girlfriend back when I was sixteen. She seemed great at first but everyone does. We met face to face but barely spoke, got talking online a few days later and suddenly I had a girlfriend. I was excited about the new relationship despite the fact that it was sort of long distance with her being almost three hours away which feels very long distance when you’re sixteen.

It turned out that she was a seriously selfish, self obsessed liar with no respect for me at all with no desire to show affection unless someone else seemed interested. She invented an eating disorder that she never actually had as well as lying about some other pretty big stuff. I think she enjoyed the attention that came with these lies but the lying cost her a lot when her friends found out the truth. I think it irritated me most that she had a job and I didn’t yet I was the one expected to pay a small fortune travelling to see her just for her to act like she couldn’t care less if I was there or not. If another woman was talking to me on Bebo (yep, Bebo was the big thing back then) she had to jump in and make her presence known by commenting with “Hey, how’s my girlfriend today?” or something equally intended to mark her territory. She told everyone that I was a great girlfriend so everyone thought our relationship was going brilliantly. Everyone except me. If I had any problems she ran a mile and didn’t want to listen but I still spent hours listening to her issues that ended up being totally fictitious. If I was randomly in her area she was always too busy to spare a few minutes for me. Needless to say that relationship didn’t last long but she did try to remain present in my life popping up every few months.

Years later she was mere background noise that I barely paid attention to anymore. I should have known that something was bound to trigger her possessive nature again and that something was my marriage. A few days before our wedding my wife got a friend request from her and before she could decide either to accept or decline she had also received a private message. This message went like this “Hi, I’m alesbianspeaks’ ex – girlfriend. I hope you’re happy with her and treat her right, like I never could, she definitely deserves it.” I would have perceived this message to be a lot more thoughtful if it wasn’t so self pitying and if it wasn’t also followed by a private message to my own account asking if I was sure I wanted to marry “this person”. She feigned interest in our wedding and the clothes we had chosen to wear before she gave up whatever she was trying to do. I didn’t allow her to penetrate my thoughts further over the days after this communication because, honestly, she was nothing more than my past to me and she belonged there. She wasn’t the worst and I accept that there was some good times with her too but I never had strong feelings for her so leaving her behind was the obvious thing to do. She hung around for another few months virtually before she decided it was time to unfriend me. Her presence didn’t bother me – I think I was beyond caring. Maybe she stayed for a while because she wanted to see if I really seemed happy. I don’t know.

Staying friends with an ex is a complicated issue that is everyone’s own decision to make but some old flames are more hassle to keep around than they’re worth. It’s okay to say see ya around to your past and move on because moving on is essential in life. A big mistake, in my opinion, is to allow an ex to control your future. Nobody should have that power except you. I don’t know anything about her life anymore and that’s perfectly fine by me. I just thought I’d tell you all about her to show you that it is easy for someone to retain power over you if you allow them to and you can only really move forward when you stop allowing this to happen.

Take care,
Best wishes,
Alesbianspeaks

Free Compliments!

For all of the times that I’m too hard on myself and for all the harsh judgments I cast upon myself I actually forget about all of the compliments I’ve received. Compliments are sweet gifts of the tongue. There’s always something compliment worthy so why not go ahead and tell someone that they brighten your day or that you think they have an awesome smile? It’s free to give away a kind thought so go for it!

I think some people get a bit embarrassed when it comes to handing out compliments so if you’re one of those people maybe you could write it down? My Mom decorates her Christmas cards with messages that express her love for you and that often detail her favourite parts of you and your character. It’s very sweet and makes a simple card a lot more fun.

Pass a compliment on, pay it forward, do a good deed… you never know how much it can change someone’s day. A compliment has often made a crappy day a million times better for me.

Much appreciation,
Alesbianspeaks

Sheltered Thoughts

Let the bough break, let it come down crashing
Let the sun fade out to a dark sky
I can’t say I’d even notice it was absent
‘Cause I could live by the light in your eyes
I’ll unfold before you
Would have strung together
The very first words of a lifelong love letter

Sara Bareilles – I Choose You Lyrics

Poem – Magic

Away from you, even for a moment, I become a fading shade of a better me
Clinging to the wisps of your scent still lingering sweetly
Finding you in my arms, so warm, a fire I dare to tame
Our mouths and eyes open to echoe thoughts the same
My heart beats as ink flows through my very core
My mind whispers words that messily spill as you pour
Lips collide to lay foundation to our future together
Your scent cradles me as it softly dances. You’re my ever better.

Our Imperfections Make Us Perfect

John Legend – You & I (Nobody In The World)

This video actually brought tears to my eyes (yes, I’m a big softy!) because it brings together a collection of so many women of different shapes, sizes and colour and encourages them to love themselves. We are all beautiful in so many different ways. I hate hearing anyone put themselves down, especially because of their looks. I allowed my looks to hold me back from being more adventurous and I ended up regretting doing that. Scars, weight and stretch marks are all part of simply being human. I do my best to dress well and look good but I don’t allow it to consume my thoughts. I lost a lot of weight and as a result my upper arms have stretch marks and a small amount of loose skin. My arms don’t look really bad but let’s face it: you are your own worst critic. Last summer I allowed myself to get upset about my flaws and I let it stop me from wearing certain things. This year I vowed to put it to the back of my mind and do whatever I like while wearing whatever I like so that’s exactly what I did. I feel so much better now. Overlooking your imperfections can be an overwhelming task but you can do it and you can embrace the way you look too.

I challenge you to think of at least three things that you like about your looks.

Remember, our imperfections make us human and your imperfections are so perfect.

Missing you, family emergencies and changes

I love you but I must say goodbye – Walking on Cars

You know what wrecks my head? One of the things in life that I still struggle to comprehend… losing people. I am the kind of person that tries so bloody hard to be a good person and a good friend yet the people I was once closest to are now gone. That’s pretty hard to digest. It’s almost impossible to remember such good people without wishing things were the same. I know it may be a childish notion to hope for things to remain unchanging and for people to stay loyal but I know it would make life better in some ways. I miss them so very much. Life goes on but I can’t help questioning how much they really cared, if they ever did.

A few nights ago I had to deal with a very delicate family emergency. I was the one that had to step up and deal with things. Be the strong one for everyone else, be calm, smart and decisive. I realised then that everything had changed. My Mom, aunts and uncles all used to treat me like I was still a child but now I’m the carer and the protector. I always hated that treatment anyway so the change is welcome yet the pressure felt immense. I was out all night until about 5am and ended up in two different hospitals. Trying, helping, in any way I could.

Things are constantly changing so why is that so hard to deal with? Why do I want to hold onto some parts of the past and never let go? It’s a good life that we are all living but the obstacle course is quite a challenge.

An update from my les-life: 4 years!

It’s the summer and love is in the air for some. For those of you that have not been lucky in love: never give up. The 26th of June marks our four year anniversary. We are one of those couples that celebrates the day we got together as well as the day we got married. Life is too short to ignore these special moments. Four years ago I would have told anyone that would listen that marriage isn’t for me but now I’m ready to shout from the rooftops that married life is something special. We’ve had our ups, downs, disagreements and joy. We’ve cried together and we’ve laughed until we cried. I will never take this moment and this happiness for granted.

While there is a lot of bad stuff to worry about and sometimes I can’t even do anything to change it, I have decided that right now, in this moment, none of it matters. The past week has been special for me. I had a mother-daughter day out followed by a shopping trip the next day with my better half. We finished the week with a picnic in a beautiful town beside gleaming boats with the sun beaming down on us. Life is good.

Enjoy the people around you and appreciate what you have. Doing this makes life so much more special and beautiful.

My wedding day disasters part two

Yes, there is more! Don’t worry, some things did actually go right for us! I’ll fill you in on those another time.

My friend who was chosen to sign the registrar was told, months before our big day, that valid photo ID was required to be an official witness. That was no problem for him apparently so I didn’t waste another moment thinking about it. Seven days, exactly, before our day he told me that his photo ID was out of date and had been for months. In a panic I emailed our registrar and asked her what we could do now. We had to face a long wait for her reply over that weekend. Monday brought good news, however, with an email sitting in my inbox informing me that she would accept the out of date ID. Wahoo!

My better half wanted to wear cufflinks with her shirt which was fine. Well, it was fine until we realised that her brand new shirt only had one open cufflink hole. We were seriously not impressed. So, I left her sitting in my bedroom at my Mother’s house while I went downstairs and started ripping things out of the drawer in the hope that I could find something to help our situation. The lining was present so I could clearly see where the cufflink hole was meant to be. Eventually I had a light bulb moment and poked tiny holes along the lining of the absent hole. I used these tiny holes as a guideline of where to cut. I tried my best to cut in a straight line to create the best opening possible. (A gay on her wedding day attempting to do anything straight is madness.) Somehow I did it. It turned out perfect and no one could have ever guessed that her shirt was temporarily confused about whether it wanted to be cufflink friendly or not.

During our vows the words “lawful impediment” had to be said. You know, declaring that there’s no lawful reason why you should not be wed. My love struggled here big time. There was obviously no reason why we should not wed. The problem here was that pronouncing the word “impediment” was incredibly difficult for her. I think she would have happily said her vows upside if it meant she could avoid saying that word. We had practiced pronouncing it and she had improved a lot but on the day the nerves of saying it in front of everyone got the better of her. She attempted to say it three times before saying “Yeah, that word”, however, on the fourth attempt she did it. Yay!

As part of our ceremony we planned to light candles so we had a small candle holder that held three candles. The idea was to light a candle each separately then light one together as a symbol of two people joining together. This was a simple gesture that should not have taken up much time. Who am I kidding? There was no simple with us that day! One of the legs of the candle holder broke, before we had lit any candles, turning it into a bit of a potential fire hazard. This issue was resolved by my wife putting her cigarette box underneath the candle holder to replace the missing leg. Our registrar said some lovely words then it was time to light the candles. Unfortunately, our lighter was in the cigarette box. Damn! Our guests noticed the problem and we suddenly had lighters coming our way from every direction. I felt a sudden strange surge of gratitude for the fact that so many of our friends and family are smokers.

Despite all of our obstacles, we were wed. We left the room to the sounds of Savage Garden’s Truly Madly Deeply as our friends and family applauded and wished us the best in life. I was almost expecting the CD to start skipping or for the stereo it was in to decide to stop working. Luckily neither of these things happened. What did happen was this: as we both walked away we knew this was the start of our forever together and it felt amazing. I would have happily frozen time just to enjoy the elation I was feeling for longer. Life is so much better with her and I am so much happier knowing that she is mine.