An Irish Lesbian's thoughts and observations…

Posts tagged ‘Speaking About Lesbian Life’

I Nominate You To Be Positive!


These little sticky notes are not only cute but are inspirational also. If we could take away even half of the judgement out there, even a bit of our own self hatred and even a portion of the insults so easily thrown around, life could get so much better. I felt myself getting a bit down recently but I fought against the urge to drown in misery. My life is good and I know that. Sometimes we just need a reminder of how lucky we are. .

I have a few wonderful people in my life. I don’t struggle a lot financially. I have a nice home in a decent area. I am lucky enough to be reasonably healthy. I have fought against those who have done wrong to me by using the legal system and I won.

Those five sentences are just a sample of the things that make me feel like I have a lot to be thankful for. I saw that a friend of mine on Facebook was nominated to post five positive things about her day everyday for five days. I thought it seemed like a pretty cool idea. If anyone is up for the challenge feel free to go for it! Let me know if you do decide to do it. I’d love to follow your trail of positivity! Everyday I log onto Facebook and read at least half a dozen bad news stories after a mere few minutes of scrolling and every time my page refreshes there’s more waiting to be read. So, consider this my nomination to anyone who’s up for the challenge: I nominate you to reveal five positive things about your day for five days. Good luck if you decide to take this on and please feel free to nominate others too, if you like. ❤

My Health Crisis and Nightmare Week

It’s Friday and while most people breathe a sigh of relief at the end of the week I am actually totally relieved and absolutely exhausted. When my aunt fell ill and had to begin her revovery in intensive care we didn’t realise just how much it really afffected us all. We discovered that she has a brain aneurysm which also means that we are all in danger of having brain issues. My great grandmother, my mom’s uncle, my uncle and now my aunt have all had issues and because of my own personal headache issues I am apparently in particular danger. I’ve had regular headaches since I was 13 which have intensified throughout the years. I don’t usually draw attention to them but now I think is the time to do just that. I have to get tested as soon as possible according to the doctor today. A CT angiogram will be used to detect any possible brain issues I may have such as clots, an aneurysm or a tumor. That news was hard to digest and while it’s my decision either I get tested or not, my family are strongly encouraging me to do so. If something is discovered in a scan they may not do anything about it depending on size, etc but I can’t help but feel like I would be considered as a ticking time bomb if I did have something wrong with me. I honestly don’t know and I’m not sure if I want to know any exact statistics on the likelihood of there actually being anything wrong with me but, as the doctor said, it’s just a matter of who’s next in our family to get a brain problem of some kind. It’s kinda scary to be honest because it’s beyond my control and I guess I’m finding it difficult to decide if I want to know if anything is wrong. It would change a lot of things if I found out that I, like my aunt, actually do have an aneurysm that could burst at any time despite the careful monitoring that they are offering. It’s still not a guarantee that everything will be okay. My aunt is still not “okay” right now but apparently the aneurysm was what put her in intensive care in the first place.

That’s the news that this week brought me and unfortunately I have no idea what to do yet. All the medical jargon and decisions are quite overwhelming but I’m still here smiling and supporting everyone else. Fuck, this is hard! I know every family has it’s health problems but we never realised that ours was so big until now. Cherish everything and everyone. You never know how much time you have here.

Lesbians Love Coffee But What Does It Say About You?


I was scrolling through Facebook earlier today when a post appeared from about coffee and what your hot drink of choice says about you. Following on from The Planet’s popularity in The L Word and the fact that many of their general social activities revolved around coffee drinking I have found myself noticing that lots of us lesbians really love coffee. I’m a mocha fan myself or maybe cappuccino if for some reason I can’t get a mocha. A coffee and a chocolate chip muffin = bliss! They somehow taste even better after a long day. I’d actually like a personalised travel coffee mug. Hmmm *writes a note on to-do list*. Coffee connects people on a sober level that alcohol fails to achieve. The kettle is boiling as I type because who can resist another mocha, right? Are you tempted? Can you smell the scent of relaxation? If you’re not a coffee lover – sorry for boring you. All of you coffee loving ladies can consider this post dedicated to you and your taste buds.

The following is the personality traits apparently associated with each of the most common coffees according to The Irish Coffee Council and Amárach Research. These two organisations conducted a survey which aimed to discover which coffee people in Ireland, in particular, enjoy the most as well as what your favourite says about you! I don’t fully agree with the descriptions my favourites have been given but they are reasonably accurate, I guess. Does yours match your personality?

The survey also looked at different types of personality along with the types of coffee which people expressed a preference for…

Americano drinkers tend to be crowd-pleasers who are generally considered out-going and sociable. They actively seek out new personal engagements and thrive in groups. However, they are more likely than others to be somewhat moody and unpredictable with their emotions.

Cappuccino is the most popular coffee choice and the people who drink this style of coffee are full of life, energy and positivity. Cappuccino drinkers are likely to be seen as kind and considerate.

Latte drinkers tend to be more reserved than others, preferring to create close personal relationships in intimate settings rather than socialising in larger groups. They are also seen as helpful and generous with their time.

Coffee drinkers who add a sprinkle of chocolate to their coffee of choice seek out new experiences and love to meet new people. They tend to be spontaneous and prefer to take the world as it comes!

Espresso drinkers are notably different to other coffee drinkers. Espresso drinkers tend to be disorganised and spontaneous. They enjoy their own company and enjoy thinking, exploring their thoughts and feelings. They are introverted but they have no difficulty speaking with others, they just prefer their own company, finds the survey.

Alesbianspeaks Wants To Speak To You!

I get that a lot of people often need someone to talk to because they have something on their mind or simply feel lonely. Often it is actually someone you don’t know that can help you the most. I’m no counsellor but I can be a friendly ear. So, if you wanna chat feel free to message me at! 🙂

I’ll reply asap (time zones can get in the way of instant responses). Also, I was considering uploading a picture of myself in a password protected post so this is also the email address you will need to contact me for that password. I’ll let you guys know if and when that post appears.

Being a lesbian is just a part of me but it’s one of the best parts plus it means I get to connect with so many other people from the LGBT rainbow. I often feel like shouting lezbefriends ‘coz I’m not a bit cheesy! For now I’ll keep sharing and reading with you all. Take care of yourselves and have fun!

Love Knows No Gender Race Or Colour


A sketch I did a while back. I’m not the best artist but I did enjoy doing this drawing. Love knows no gender, race or colour. Love is love in it’s simplest form.

Come Out And Join Me?

I’ve been reading a lot recently about people struggling with their sexual orientation and finding it difficult to come to terms with everything that accompanies coming out. I decided to tell you a little about what helped me…

Has being a lesbian changed who I became? Maybe it has. Did coming out mean that people treated me differently? Perhaps. I hate to sound like a constant ray of positivity because, believe me, I’m not but I have learned from my experiences so I want to help you all learn too. A few months after I came out I went to an event in Galway that had dozens of LGBT people, both young and old, there. It was strange but exciting to be thrown into this massive crowd of people that were about to surround me for the next two days. It was that weekend that changed everything for me. I was sixteen and in the presence of LGBT teens, adults, hotel staff and youth workers. I was amazed! The then President of Ireland even made an appearance. I hugged the lovely Mary McAleese while trying my damn best not to whack her with the crutches I had to use at the time. It was just my luck that I sprained my ankle the night before this trip. I have a habit of visiting A&E before most of the big events in my life… Murphy’s Law, I suppose? We exchanged coming out tales, had a laugh together and I even kissed a girl and had to totally agree with Katy Perry. The most interesting thing was that we were all at totally different stages of coming out so we could all inspire each other in different ways. Despite what their friends, parents, peers, colleagues or anyone else had said they were still here to say that life got better. Many of them even told me that they felt that being gay actually made them stronger.

What I learned from the experience was that… stereotypes in our little gay world are not as common as you’d think; they are just more visible, our community can often be overwhelmingly supportive and we are a very fashionable bunch! The best thing, for me, was that I returned home with a whole new group of friends and a new outlook on life. There’s something empowering about seeing that people are genuinely happy being lesbian, gay, bi, trans or whatever they may be. It’s almost like seeing proof that it’s okay to be you. We don’t all get to go on a big gay weekend but consider this blog and WordPress itself to be your one! Here we are all different ages, from different countries and have been through different things in our lives but we all share the unity of sharing the LGBT umbrella. It’s definitely okay to be LGBT and it’s never something you need to change. It’s simply you. I saw so many people happy in their own skin and I see that here too. I really do feel for the people who are struggling with their identity but at the same time I want to emphasise that it really can and does get better. I struggle with a lot of stuff but my identity is luckily no longer an issue for me. Feel free to comment with your thoughts, experiences or problems. I love hearing from you all!

I’m A Survivor, Never A Victim

Where do you begin when there isn’t an ending yet? Well, I suppose I should start at my beginning. The beginning I can remember anyway. I am a survivor of sexual abuse which happened frequently throughout my childhood until I was around 14. These horrible things were inflicted upon me by three different men. Things like that leave their mark on you in more ways than you can ever imagine. My head was in a spin from it all. My Mother and I left behind our family home in order to get away from one of my abusers. We left one evening with no idea what to do next. We had no income, no home of our own and very little possessions. Years later we have much better lives.

It was getting to this stage that was difficult. I always say that people should talk about their problems and their issues. True to my own advice, talking is exactly what I did. Unfortunately people often didn’t know how to react to the issues I had. It wasn’t their fault. It is hard to give advice to someone who’s in the situation I was in. I fought for justice for six years against one of these men. During those six years the court case was adjourned many times, new items were asked for such as my medical records and even notes from counselling sessions of mine, and in the end he was found not guilty. I appealed this decision and finally got the guilty verdict I so desperately wanted. By then I had leaned on many different people for support and I worried that they were going to look at me differently or see me as a burden. I was raped, sexually abused, emotionally tortured, stalked and afterwards I was ripped apart on the witness stand more than once. I had self harmed, I had swollen knuckles on several occasions from inflicting pain upon myself and the nearest wall. I attended counselling. I had support from youth workers and even teachers. I also had help from my friends. Despite their willingness to help I still couldn’t help being afraid that I was asking for too much by talking to them.

What changed my perspective on my fears was actually a mail on Facebook from a good friend of mine. She told me that listening to me and seeing me going through my personal battles inspired her to actually finally speak to someone about hers and to face something that she had avoided for many years. You think you are being a nuisance but in reality you are probably your confidants’ greatest inspiration. I was. Talking is so important and I really cannot stress that enough. I may reveal more of my history in time but for now feel free to ask me anything and if I feel comfortable answering your questions then I will. Take care, wonderful people.

Tell me how to be wild!

My posts have been pretty minimal compared to usual recently but for a good reason. I’ve been doing a lot of writing for other LGBT online publications and I’ve even interviewed someone! I haven’t forgotten about this blog though and I continue to be inspired by all you lovely people every time I’m here.

One thing that has been on my mind is “going wild”. You know the “crazy” things people do when they’re young adults, or even older adults, that are outside their normal range of activities. Yeah, those. What the hell are they? So many people hint towards a wild background but never seem to go into major details on the topic. I drank alcohol a lot (probably too much) when I was a teenager but that’s what teenagers do. Especially Irish teenagers anyway. When I was almost 19 I stopped drinking for a year and when I started drinking again I approached it with a much healthier attitude. I have only slept with one person, my wife of course. I got married, settled down and focused on running a household and not making the same mistakes that my family members did. Please tell me what I’m missing here? I’m constantly told that any time now I’m going to go wild. It’s like people are waiting for it. You know what? I’m waiting to see what they’re on about too! On the rare nights out I drink whiskey or cider and dance too much but isn’t that what you’re meant to do if you’re in a club? I would definitely love to know what kind of things are wild to be honest. I need to be educated on this topic!

A Butch Lesbian Appreciation Poem

My style is to have short blended hair
This blurs the lines of gender but I don’t care
My jeans are deep blue with creases of wear
They’re loose but tight in places. People still stare.

My body is skinny with a smaller chest
They just look there and forget the rest
My jaw line is defined with a cheeky smile
My fingernails are too short to even file

My t shirt is sometimes fitted but never tight
They look and guess. They’re rarely right
I do a good deed for a random in the street
“Good man” they say and I feel my face heat

I wear men’s shirts cos you don’t need to see
The sexual side of my female body
I get swallowed up by the layered comfort
When they shouted “ugly lezzer” that kinda hurt

My tattoos are too masculine according to who?
A stranger – how does it even affect you?
My gender confuses you in the public toilet
Your reaction is almost enough to start a small riot

A word to the wise: I’m doing no harm
It’s not my fault if you’re attracted to my charm
Or if you never saw someone so weird
I’m certainly not a person that needs to be feared

Am I a young guy or a raging lesbo dyke?
My hair stands up with gel in every spike
I’m standing tall for myself and everyone just like me
Please don’t let them make you cry. Just be yourself, let yourself be free.

Our Imperfections Make Us Perfect

John Legend – You & I (Nobody In The World)

This video actually brought tears to my eyes (yes, I’m a big softy!) because it brings together a collection of so many women of different shapes, sizes and colour and encourages them to love themselves. We are all beautiful in so many different ways. I hate hearing anyone put themselves down, especially because of their looks. I allowed my looks to hold me back from being more adventurous and I ended up regretting doing that. Scars, weight and stretch marks are all part of simply being human. I do my best to dress well and look good but I don’t allow it to consume my thoughts. I lost a lot of weight and as a result my upper arms have stretch marks and a small amount of loose skin. My arms don’t look really bad but let’s face it: you are your own worst critic. Last summer I allowed myself to get upset about my flaws and I let it stop me from wearing certain things. This year I vowed to put it to the back of my mind and do whatever I like while wearing whatever I like so that’s exactly what I did. I feel so much better now. Overlooking your imperfections can be an overwhelming task but you can do it and you can embrace the way you look too.

I challenge you to think of at least three things that you like about your looks.

Remember, our imperfections make us human and your imperfections are so perfect.

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