I was inspired to write this post because schools and colleges are back in action this month and some people may be feeling the way that I was.
I’ve been pretty hard on myself recently. I found myself feeling like I was under pressure to change myself and my life or to achieve something more. I felt like I wasn’t good enough, beautiful enough or as much fun as other people. I even felt like people were looking down upon me because I don’t have as much money as them. I blamed other people in my mind for instilling these feelings within me but I was wrong. The only person to blame is myself and the high expectations I actually have for myself.
Every time I heard someone say “X is starting this course soon” or “Bla bla’s daughter has gotten a promotion” it felt like a personal attack. I viewed these flippant comments as digs towards me. In my head they translated into “They are doing better than you!”. I was being ridiculously harsh with just a hint of paranoid thrown in just to make myself feel a bit worse.
People are proud of me because of who I am and what I do not because I’m like other people. Nobody wants me to be like anyone else because that’s the whole point of being you – you’re obviously unique. I volunteer my time often, I do not judge people, I have two qualifications already and I’m working on getting more, I write regularly for Gaelick (check them out, it’s an Irish lesbian website), I have a successful marriage and I’m good to my family. I’m a good person and that counts for a lot more in my opinion than a degree or an expensive car. What fun is a car if no one is in it with you anyway? That glamorous house will be very empty without life to fill it.
The mistake I made was comparing myself to others and what they’re doing or what they have. That’s them and their choices, not mine. Even if I got the same job as them or the same qualifications it doesn’t mean I would be as happy as them because it’s not what I want to do. I’m sticking to setting my own goals in life. My reflection is way too hard on me but I told that wench to back off. I’m being the best me I can be and that should be good enough.