This Video Made Me Cry…

I’ve been studying various medical conditions and disabilities recently. What I’ve learned so far is that these ‘disabilities’ in no way stop people from living full lives. I genuinely think there’s so much we can actually learn from people who have these long term illnesses and disabilities.

I had a habit of throwing in the towel myself in the past. I often gave up when things got hard. The amazing thing is these remarkable people do not let that even be an option for them. We can help them in ways but they can help us in so many more ways than we actually realise. Opening your eyes to the bravery that is their normality will actually inspire you so much.

Happy Anniversary To Us

Quick post again because I’m super busy lately… Exciting times guys and gals! Tomorrow (or maybe it’s today somewhere) will be our 3rd wedding anniversary! Time has flown by so much but I couldn’t have found a better person to spend it with. It doesn’t feel like three years since we said our vows in front of our friends and family in an intimate venue followed by a buffet, cake and just enough alcohol to toast the occasion.

We’ve grown together as a couple and have grown as individuals with each other’s help. The spark is still there more than ever so that makes this anniversary even more special. Nobody could ever come close to being as amazing as she is to me.

Cherish your loved ones because they are so precious. Don’t settle for someone you like when the one who makes your heart beat faster is out there waiting for you. I found the one who makes my heart beat faster in a dirty pub that is really the very last place that you would think that true love could blossom in yet it did. ‘Chasing Cars’ by Snow Patrol is our song so three guesses what will be on repeat in our house this week… Have a great love filled week everyone!

Best wishes to you all,
Alesbianspeaks

Third Liebster / Getting To Know Each Other

The lovely bloggers you ain’t special and psychopathsgetbored nominated me for the Liebster Award and the wonderful making bang bangs nominated me for a chain style blogging award. Thank you all so much for the nomination, I always get a bit big headed by these awards. I won’t be nominating anyone myself because it’s not that long since I actually completed a nomination but I will say that all of you lovely bloggers inspire me, make me smile and teach me new things every time I read your posts so a huge thank you to you all!

I was asked 7 questions by you ain’t so so here they are followed by my answers. Drum roll, please…

1. If you could live in any period, which would you pick and why?
The 80’s because the little wannabe glam rocker inside me feels like she missed out big time. Bring me to the time of bad hair and too much leather!

2. If you could change one thing about yourself, past or present, what would it be? I wouldn’t change a thing because everything became a valuable lesson.

3. If you had the opportunity to say one thing that the entire world would hear, what would you say?
Great question! It’s a bit difficult to answer though but I’ll give it my best shot. I would say “Start by loving yourself, conclude by being loved for love is what gets us through.”

4. What’s your favorite piece of literature?
The book Tuesdays with Morrie never fails to inspire me. The author of this wonderful creation, Mitch Albom, is a fantastic writer who constantly delivers tales to warm the heart and engage the mind.

5. If you could be any historical figure, who would it be?
Hmmm… I’m not sure because I’m not very good with this historical stuff but I would love to meet the people who started the Stonewall Riots. Now that’d be amazing.

6. If science discovered the secret to immortality, would you want to live forever?
Yes but only if the ones I love were going to live forever too.

7. Labyrinth or The Princess Bride? Labyrinth, of course.

Making bang bangs’ award nomination requested that I share some random facts with you all so here they are…

1. I have only just discovered, at the age of 22, that I love Nutella. Yep, my taste buds were really missing out!

2. Animals often cheer me up more than people do.

3. I have never ever worn a skirt (unless I did as a child when my Mom was still picking my clothes for me and if so I must have blocked out that memory).

4. I am slightly sallow skinned so when I was a child I would tell people, without hesitation, that I am yellow like The Simpsons.

5. I never liked Shane in The L Word.

6. I have never failed an academic test.

7. I talk way too much and way too fast but lucky you guys only need to read my ramblings which actually get much shorter as I write and edit.

8. I love meeting new people but have no idea what to say when I do meet them so that’s one of the rare occasions when I actually have so little to say.

9. I have very little interest in travelling but I like seeing new places. Anyone wanna make some sort of an instant transporter for me?

10. I met two of the people who were part of the main group to overturn Irish law and make it legal to be gay here in Ireland.

Psychopathsgetbored’s questions are as follows…

1. If you could travel anywhere in the universe (include the planets, stars and other galaxies, no worries) where would you go?
I would go to Paris with my wife. Oooh la la, how romantic!

2. Tea, coffee or both?
Both but I have a strong preference for coffee and especially mochas which I’m actually drinking right now. 🙂

3. What inspired you to create your blog?
The desire to receive feedback and mature in my writing pushed me to create this blog but connecting with others keeps me here.

4. What is your favourite season?
Winter for sure! It’s such an amazing time of year. It’s so beautiful and staying in actually brings people closer together, I think. 🙂

5. One thing that you lost, and miss dearly.
My mind! Hah. Old friends, really.

6. Your favourite book (if you don’t read much then movie)
Tuesdays with Morrie is my favourite book and has been since I first read it when I was fourteen.

7. The one song that makes you happy no matter what.
“Does Your Mother Know That You’re Out?” from Mamma Mia.

8. Are you a morning or a night person?
A mid-morning person! I like 11 am. That’s a good time for me.

9. Do you like going to social events/parties/outings?
I love them but rarely go. I think that makes me enjoy them even more though.

10. Do you use a pen name/pseudonym?
I guess alesbianspeaks is my pseudonym.

11. How many languages do you speak?
Three…ish. I speak English obviously and bits of Irish and French.

You Were Born To Shine: A Dedication Through Music

This post and these songs are a dedication to my ghost that I won’t forget. Often the ghosts of our past are actually the hands that guide us into the future. Old friends become blurred out faces, people we once saw everyday get harder to remember. Despite this, the ones we once knew are still ever present in our lives as beacons of light shining through in the lessons we learned from them. They may decrease in importance to you but there will be the few whose importance never fully ceases to exist. There will be some you forget and ones that are impossible to forget. You may find yourself even thinking of someone in particular right now who was special to you. Perhaps you’re even thinking about something you wish you’d said to them. All of this may sound pretty deep but it makes a lot of sense to me so I wanted to share with you all.

Because they are so beautiful I’m actually going to include the lyrics to ‘Reach For The Sky’ for you all to enjoy. If you’re interested, the lyrics to ‘Shine On’ can be found here.

Reach for the Sky

Watch you waste away.
You were born to shine, left behind.
Slowly fades to grey.
Yet you say you are fine, but I fear you are blind.
How could you believe that you’ve done wrong?
You don’t believe in yourself.

Reach for the sky
I would pick you up if I could.
Open your eyes
I would pick you up if I could.

Listen to the sound,
of your days passing by while you live a lie.
Why’d you turn around,
why’d you say goodbye, was there no reply?
How could you believe that you’re not strong?
You don’t believe in anything.

So, reach for the sky
I would pick you up if I could.
Open your eyes
I would pick you up if I could.

And then I saw your face
and you were left alone
but you’re not alone
you’re not alone [x2]

Reach for the sky
I would pick you up if I could.
Open your eyes
I would pick you up if I could.

You’re not alone [x5]

Let’s Get Educated!

Do you ever feel like every move you make is shadowed by judgement? I didn’t feel like that too often until now. Now I feel like something I think is an achievement is not quite good enough. It’s not a good enough qualification or not the right career choice is exactly what has been echoed since I announced my latest decision. The fact that this is exactly what I want almost feels irrelevant at times. For too long I was unsure about what to do with my life but now that I do know I feel proud of myself for taking control and taking steps towards achieving my goals.

I have a long-term plan now for the first time ever so why does it feel like it’s been tainted by the expectations and opinions of others? I know I’m on the right track and I have my hopes and dreams held in my sights. I just hope everything I’m doing is enough to fulfill my ambitions. Admittedly it is difficult to be as excited as I’d like to be about something when it feels like it’s still not good enough. Despite all of that, I am going to gain my qualifications with my head held high.

Five Boosts To Your General Wellbeing

In follow up to my last slightly negative post here’s something a bit more positive… here’s my top five recommended boosts to your general wellbeing.

1. Take at least an hour or two every week to unwind. Sit down and enjoy doing nothing, chill out with a movie, read a book, do whatever you really enjoy doing. Your you time should preferably not include several other people shouting “shots!” as you drink yourself silly while partying the night away. That’s awesome too but it’s not really going to help you relax, is it? Spending Saturday nights in front of the tv with some munchies and a warm drink can be a welcome break from a hectic night life or from a busy week.

2. Grab your partner, best friend, Mother or sibling and do something you’d both enjoy every so often. Check out a new movie, go to a gig or restaurant or even visit a new place together. While you’re there take plenty of pictures. Making great memories matters so much more than sitting at home surrounded by pretty items that are often meaningless. Spending your time and money on experiences is a much better investment than dedicating most of your cash on random items. Less is more when it comes to stuff but you can never get enough of life and what it has to offer.

3. Remind yourself regularly of the great things you do have in your life instead of focusing so much on the things you don’t have. Chances are the things you don’t have probably won’t make you as happy as you think they will. The happiness that comes from shopping is only a temporary feeling which is not to be confused with the happiness that comes with personal contentment. Being envious of other people’s relationships, families or children is a wasted emotion because not everything is always as great as it seems on the outside. Comparing yourself or your items to others and their possessions will mean that you will never actually find real happiness because you’ll end up constantly chasing everyone else’s dreams.

4. Organise your surroundings. If your home is organised it will more than likely help your mind to feel more organised too. It helps your mind to relax when you know that the items, documents and general contents of your home are in order or at least it eases my mind! If that fails then it’ll still be a bonus to not have to face any stressful situations of not knowing where certain things are – that really wrecks my head, hence why I rank organisation as such an important thing!

5. Go for walks often. I mean a walk for pleasure not to actually get somewhere. Avoiding junk food and going for strolls is a fantastic combination that will really help your body to feel less sluggish and more energised to complete your healthier lifestyle. Throw in some water instead of fizzy drinks too or dare I suggest swapping one of your coffees for a bottle of water to refresh your body even more. Junk food tastes great but it tastes so much better when it’s a rare treat rather than a daily necessity and your body will be seriously grateful. A healthy body, healthy mind and well nourished soul will have you feeling tons better over time.

I’ve made adjustments to my life that genuinely make me feel so good so the above list is just a bit of advice from me to you based on my experiences. I thought I was doing just fine until I started changing some small things then some bigger things. Little by little one goes far. Love yourself, always.

Keeping My Head Up

Keeping my head up helps me to see how beautiful things can be. It’s worth making it through the darker days to get to see the brightness once again.

The One Who Cheated On Me

I was a naive seventeen year old when I was in a relationship with an older woman. She seemed genuinely interested in our relationship and enjoyed being around me and my friends, even travelling over an hour to just be with us for a short while sometimes. It was not a serious relationship at all and we were both fine with that. I was still going through my “Love isn’t for me” phase back then. I started to enjoy being around her to be honest.

It’s always the things you don’t see or hear that are the most important pieces of the puzzle and that’s exactly what that relationship taught me. After we broke up a friend of mine confessed that a friend of my ex’s actually told him to warn me off of her because she was not a good person. He felt like he would have been speaking out of place and that I wouldn’t appreciate the interference so he chose to keep quiet. That didn’t bother me too much because I didn’t have any emotions invested in the whole situation so I didn’t waste much time thinking about it.

For some unknown reason the ex felt like it was a great idea to contact me and admit to sleeping with several men while we were dating. That stung! I felt surprised that she cared so little. I was actually hurt that I meant so little that it wasn’t even worth remaining faithful in our relationship. I guess I felt like an idiot for thinking that by being a good girlfriend myself that I would be rewarded with the same treatment. I blamed myself and felt ugly. I felt like faulty goods actually. I thought I must have missed some signs. I wondered was that the fact that I hadn’t slept with anyone before and wasn’t willing to sleep with her to blame. I also wondered why someone who claimed to be a lesbian had cheated on me with guys. I hated that I had thought of our relationship as “just fun” but she thought cheating on me was more fun.

Sure, it was far from serious, but it still hurt to be cheated on not once but several times. When I asked her why she did it she simply said “Because I could and it was fun.”

That whole experience made me realise that not every woman, whatever age they may be, will care as much as you do. It also showed me that cheating is all too common and it can happen to any of us for any reason. So many different things motivate people to be unfaithful and, no, it’s not your fault that you were cheated on. The young dreamer within me back then had not yet seen women as just as capable as men at being ignorant to the emotions of fellow ladies. I think a part of me even hoped that women treated each other with the care you’d place on fragile glass. Everyone is capable of hurting you. Too often we forget that. It was a hard lesson to learn but at least I learnt it quite early in life. I know that being cheated on hurts when you aren’t invested in the relationship so I’m sure it would be absolutely heartbreaking if you are.

Things Are Looking Brighter

Things are starting to look up so much. Where I’m heading in life, metaphorically speaking, seems to be a brighter and better place.

Let’s Speak About My Obsessive Ex

Today I’d like to tell you all about the confusing, angst ridden ball of fire that was my girlfriend back when I was sixteen. She seemed great at first but everyone does. We met face to face but barely spoke, got talking online a few days later and suddenly I had a girlfriend. I was excited about the new relationship despite the fact that it was sort of long distance with her being almost three hours away which feels very long distance when you’re sixteen.

It turned out that she was a seriously selfish, self obsessed liar with no respect for me at all with no desire to show affection unless someone else seemed interested. She invented an eating disorder that she never actually had as well as lying about some other pretty big stuff. I think she enjoyed the attention that came with these lies but the lying cost her a lot when her friends found out the truth. I think it irritated me most that she had a job and I didn’t yet I was the one expected to pay a small fortune travelling to see her just for her to act like she couldn’t care less if I was there or not. If another woman was talking to me on Bebo (yep, Bebo was the big thing back then) she had to jump in and make her presence known by commenting with “Hey, how’s my girlfriend today?” or something equally intended to mark her territory. She told everyone that I was a great girlfriend so everyone thought our relationship was going brilliantly. Everyone except me. If I had any problems she ran a mile and didn’t want to listen but I still spent hours listening to her issues that ended up being totally fictitious. If I was randomly in her area she was always too busy to spare a few minutes for me. Needless to say that relationship didn’t last long but she did try to remain present in my life popping up every few months.

Years later she was mere background noise that I barely paid attention to anymore. I should have known that something was bound to trigger her possessive nature again and that something was my marriage. A few days before our wedding my wife got a friend request from her and before she could decide either to accept or decline she had also received a private message. This message went like this “Hi, I’m alesbianspeaks’ ex – girlfriend. I hope you’re happy with her and treat her right, like I never could, she definitely deserves it.” I would have perceived this message to be a lot more thoughtful if it wasn’t so self pitying and if it wasn’t also followed by a private message to my own account asking if I was sure I wanted to marry “this person”. She feigned interest in our wedding and the clothes we had chosen to wear before she gave up whatever she was trying to do. I didn’t allow her to penetrate my thoughts further over the days after this communication because, honestly, she was nothing more than my past to me and she belonged there. She wasn’t the worst and I accept that there was some good times with her too but I never had strong feelings for her so leaving her behind was the obvious thing to do. She hung around for another few months virtually before she decided it was time to unfriend me. Her presence didn’t bother me – I think I was beyond caring. Maybe she stayed for a while because she wanted to see if I really seemed happy. I don’t know.

Staying friends with an ex is a complicated issue that is everyone’s own decision to make but some old flames are more hassle to keep around than they’re worth. It’s okay to say see ya around to your past and move on because moving on is essential in life. A big mistake, in my opinion, is to allow an ex to control your future. Nobody should have that power except you. I don’t know anything about her life anymore and that’s perfectly fine by me. I just thought I’d tell you all about her to show you that it is easy for someone to retain power over you if you allow them to and you can only really move forward when you stop allowing this to happen.

Take care,
Best wishes,
Alesbianspeaks