An Irish Lesbian's thoughts and observations…

Posts tagged ‘inspiration’

The Daydreamer Award / Thought Provoking Questions

1. Thank the person who gave you the award.
Many thanks to The Little Butch That Could!
2. Complete the challenge they set you.
3. Select a blog or blogs that you want to give the award to. The amount of blogs you select is up to you.
4. Tell them about it and set them a challenge.
Please include the rules in your post

TLBTC’s challenge for me is…

“When was the last time you changed your mind about something you believed strongly?”

I’m ashamed to say that I once thought that people didn’t change. I thought they simply got better at hiding who they really are or hiding the part of them that’s not so nice. I understand that that I may sound terribly negative or judgemental there but, hey, we are talking past tense here. I wrote people off very easily especially when I felt that their actions weren’t justified. If you’re wondering what changed then please, read on…

I realised that I was actually part of the overall problem. I was the one that actually needed to change. I needed to open my eyes to the reality of this world. I’m sure most of ye know that not everyone that does bad things is a bad person. There’s even often a very good reason why genuinely good people do bad things or even become bad people. Life can knock the good right out of you sometimes and leave you begging for empathy but when the world shares the view that I used to have it isn’t easy to pick yourself back up again. When it feels like everyone views you a certain way it’s easy to fall into that pattern. Well, it’s not like anyone else believes in you so your self belief runs dry too.

People can and do change. I heard a guy speaking on the radio that had just finished six years in prison and instead of wasting those six years of his life he used them to get a degree. After he was released he was given a chance and now has a very well respected position in a computer company. That one chance was all he needed and he used it to change his life completely. Criminals aren’t the only ones I have in mind right now but that guy was the best example I could think of. Sometimes people aren’t even half as bad as they seem on the outside. A cracked shell can be peeled apart to reveal something wonderful. It took me long enough to see that but luckily now I’ve seen how great people can be. 

I won’t nominate anyone for this award but if any of you would like to you can feel free to take part anyway. Thanks again, TLBTC, much appreciated.

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How Much it Means to Matter

Dear friend,

Tomorrow is spaghetti day which is something I’ve been looking forward to even though I was the one who decided it should happen on a Tuesday. I enjoy looking forward to things even if its something as simple as a meal that I’m going to cook myself. I’m not feeling well physically tonight but my mind is at ease. I’ve been cleaning and throwing out unwanted clutter which always seems to lift my mood. Most people get a buzz from getting something new but I actually get more of a thrill from getting rid of things. Even though these items aren’t actually cluttering up anything I still like to call it decluttering because it helps me to feel like there is more order and organisation surrounding me. How are you doing? Is life treating you well and is it everything you want it to be?

Not too long ago I was feeling like any effort I was making to change my life and better myself was going unnoticed or wasn’t good enough. Perhaps this was a bit of a silly idea but it was a feeling which consumed my thoughts greatly back then. I thought that I’d made bad choices career wise but now I see that I’m heading in the exact direction that I’m destined for. I love being able to help people and make meaningful connections with others so a caring profession is right up my street. I’m going to make a difference, I promise. I see that I can be good for others and I can be a trustworthy, inspiring figure in someone’s life.

Why do I want to make such a difference, you ask. I grew up feeling invisible and unwanted. I felt turned away from social groups, family and my own father. I felt like teachers expected too much and couldn’t see how much help I needed. Friends who promised a lifetime of loyalty when we were teenagers gave up on me so easily so I figured in the end that I didn’t have an important place in the world. I felt that my existence was unnecessary and I don’t want anyone else to feel that way so I’m leaving my mark on this world through helping others. It may sound selfish in ways but I genuinely want to see others live their lives how they want to and I want to help other people to find happiness. I hate seeing other people experiencing the same deep emotional pain I felt for so long. Surely I can help to change the path of at least one person.

I look forward to making more meaningful connections with people and having deep conversations. Life left me frayed around the edges but my core remains warm sending flames of life to my worn exterior. Life is a roller coaster, friend, but always hold on tight and you will make it through anything. That’s what I learned anyway. Things get so much better than you’ll ever believe.

Best wishes,
Alesbianspeaks

A Life Lesson Learnt The Hard Way

One of the biggest lessons I learnt was also one of the hardest. In a moment everything can change and we cannot predict when that moment will arrive. When I was thirteen years old two of my friends were taken away from us in a car crash that almost killed two other kids also. They were the same age as me when they lost their lives while simply travelling home from school. The most difficult thing was that I was forced to learn first hand that even the young aren’t guaranteed to live as long as we hope. Even the young can suffer so much and can leave so quickly before their lives have even really began. It’s terrifying to be ripped from the comfort of your own safe bubble and be cast into the harsh reality of the damage this world can inflict.

When I was twelve I almost went head first through the windscreen of a car following a collision. What saved me was the sun visor. It was pulled down because of the bright sun that was beating down that day so instead of the much worse alternative I hit my head off of that and was slammed back into my seat. I didn’t realise the full extent of how lucky I was at the time. That shock only hit me much later.

The hospitalisation of someone I was once close to really shook me up too. Drugs put him in intensive care fighting for his life. Once he came back from the brink of death he had another battle on his hands as he struggled to regain full functionality of all of his organs.

This brought back memories of a half – brother of mine that I never got to know because of a series of unfortunate events. Drugs took him away from us when he was only twenty two years old.

What happened to these people served to emphasise the fragility of life. It reinforced the idea in my mind that our lives are to be cherished and that the people in them are so very precious. My aunt was recently in intensive care and the doctor in charge of her said that “She had come back from the claws of the devil”. She recovered from her illness, luckily, and is back home now. My family and I are all awaiting tests now which will reveal whether we have inherited a brain aneurysm or any other brain issues which are becoming a very common occurrence within our clan. Life is all too fragile and nobody is invincible or immune to the hardships it brings so I encourage you all to live it. If you need to say something then say it. Love deeply because that could be your greatest legacy. Allow yourself to breathe in hope and exhale experience.

Sending you all kind thoughts and good vibes.
Best wishes,
Alesbianspeaks

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