An Irish Lesbian's thoughts and observations…

Archive for November, 2014

How Much it Means to Matter

Dear friend,

Tomorrow is spaghetti day which is something I’ve been looking forward to even though I was the one who decided it should happen on a Tuesday. I enjoy looking forward to things even if its something as simple as a meal that I’m going to cook myself. I’m not feeling well physically tonight but my mind is at ease. I’ve been cleaning and throwing out unwanted clutter which always seems to lift my mood. Most people get a buzz from getting something new but I actually get more of a thrill from getting rid of things. Even though these items aren’t actually cluttering up anything I still like to call it decluttering because it helps me to feel like there is more order and organisation surrounding me. How are you doing? Is life treating you well and is it everything you want it to be?

Not too long ago I was feeling like any effort I was making to change my life and better myself was going unnoticed or wasn’t good enough. Perhaps this was a bit of a silly idea but it was a feeling which consumed my thoughts greatly back then. I thought that I’d made bad choices career wise but now I see that I’m heading in the exact direction that I’m destined for. I love being able to help people and make meaningful connections with others so a caring profession is right up my street. I’m going to make a difference, I promise. I see that I can be good for others and I can be a trustworthy, inspiring figure in someone’s life.

Why do I want to make such a difference, you ask. I grew up feeling invisible and unwanted. I felt turned away from social groups, family and my own father. I felt like teachers expected too much and couldn’t see how much help I needed. Friends who promised a lifetime of loyalty when we were teenagers gave up on me so easily so I figured in the end that I didn’t have an important place in the world. I felt that my existence was unnecessary and I don’t want anyone else to feel that way so I’m leaving my mark on this world through helping others. It may sound selfish in ways but I genuinely want to see others live their lives how they want to and I want to help other people to find happiness. I hate seeing other people experiencing the same deep emotional pain I felt for so long. Surely I can help to change the path of at least one person.

I look forward to making more meaningful connections with people and having deep conversations. Life left me frayed around the edges but my core remains warm sending flames of life to my worn exterior. Life is a roller coaster, friend, but always hold on tight and you will make it through anything. That’s what I learned anyway. Things get so much better than you’ll ever believe.

Best wishes,
Alesbianspeaks

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Small LGBT Groups Need You

Ireland is actually so bad sometimes at supporting LGBT events in smaller towns. These small towns are the ones who need the support for their LGBT groups and communities the most. These places don’t have drop in centres, LGBT cafés or gay bars. They’re not granted the funding required to enable them to get their own premises so their meeting venues are the most difficult to source. They rarely get any funding at all but have so much passion and so many ideas. This is the reality for any group outside of the cities here in Ireland so putting an event together is even harder for them and advertising it is twice as hard. Night club venues don’t want to offer a room on one of their busy nights so you need to hope that people will bother coming to your event on a night that is not usually worth going out on. There’s so many obstacles so why are our own LGBT community one of them?

It would be so easy to fill a venue if the gay people from each area actually got together and went to these events and brought along their friends or family members. Wouldn’t it be great to just sit and chill at an event full of same sex loving peers? It’s so hard to meet other LGBT people in rural areas so when groups put effort into getting an event together I like to see a good crowd at it but unfortunately that’s rarely the case. Rural based groups from all around Ireland post pictures of their events online and the main thing they usually have in common is poor attendance. Why? I love going to these events when the opportunity arises for so many different reasons yet I am constantly disappointed by the lack of support from other people. A group can’t be held responsible for a lack of public support yet the public must have their reasons too for not attending. We need each other to fill these events and keep these small groups going. Together we can make them bigger and we can help to enable them to be more progressive and successful. It would be so sad if these groups and localised events disappeared, it really would. I hope that doesn’t happen.

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