It’s Friday and while most people breathe a sigh of relief at the end of the week I am actually totally relieved and absolutely exhausted. When my aunt fell ill and had to begin her revovery in intensive care we didn’t realise just how much it really afffected us all. We discovered that she has a brain aneurysm which also means that we are all in danger of having brain issues. My great grandmother, my mom’s uncle, my uncle and now my aunt have all had issues and because of my own personal headache issues I am apparently in particular danger. I’ve had regular headaches since I was 13 which have intensified throughout the years. I don’t usually draw attention to them but now I think is the time to do just that. I have to get tested as soon as possible according to the doctor today. A CT angiogram will be used to detect any possible brain issues I may have such as clots, an aneurysm or a tumor. That news was hard to digest and while it’s my decision either I get tested or not, my family are strongly encouraging me to do so. If something is discovered in a scan they may not do anything about it depending on size, etc but I can’t help but feel like I would be considered as a ticking time bomb if I did have something wrong with me. I honestly don’t know and I’m not sure if I want to know any exact statistics on the likelihood of there actually being anything wrong with me but, as the doctor said, it’s just a matter of who’s next in our family to get a brain problem of some kind. It’s kinda scary to be honest because it’s beyond my control and I guess I’m finding it difficult to decide if I want to know if anything is wrong. It would change a lot of things if I found out that I, like my aunt, actually do have an aneurysm that could burst at any time despite the careful monitoring that they are offering. It’s still not a guarantee that everything will be okay. My aunt is still not “okay” right now but apparently the aneurysm was what put her in intensive care in the first place.
That’s the news that this week brought me and unfortunately I have no idea what to do yet. All the medical jargon and decisions are quite overwhelming but I’m still here smiling and supporting everyone else. Fuck, this is hard! I know every family has it’s health problems but we never realised that ours was so big until now. Cherish everything and everyone. You never know how much time you have here.
It will be my birthday in a few days and, like every year, I feel so grateful to be alive. With every struggle that I overcame in life I became stronger and grew into the person I am today. I love life and all of its nasty and wonderful surprises. To celebrate life and my happiness, I would like to share five of the many things I am grateful for right now before I get back to complaining again soon…
1. I am grateful for the loyalty and support of my family. Throughout the hardest times in my life they were right there, in my corner, no matter what happened. I was a very depressed child and teenager which wasn’t exactly easy for them to handle at times but even now they still do everything they can for me. My aunts and uncles are like extra parents. Sure, that means that when I did something wrong I wasn’t just facing one lecture but on the plus side I was never short of someone to give me advice.
2. My darling wife. She has been right by my side while I faced some of my greatest challenges. I never thought I would love someone the way I love her. She is the one that has the power to lift my mood and warm my heart. Her happiness means the world to me and I would do anything for her. I have never said that about a girlfriend before which is what makes her special enough to now be my wife.
3. My health is better than it ever was. In 2009 and 2010 I spent a lot of time in hospital or at my doctor’s which resulted in my school work suffering. I wasn’t overjoyed with my exam results in the end but I still got above average results which I can now see as the achievement it was.
4. I feel so lucky to be at the stage of my life where I no longer value material possessions as much as some of my peers seem to. I have enough of what I need and want so that is good enough for me. Too many people get down about not having the best clothes, electronics, etc but these things really don’t matter. After you get that expensive item you so desperately desire then what happens? Will you actually feel happier? Will people actually like you more? I suspect that the answer to these questions is no so why allow mere items to consume your thoughts so much?
5. I truly appreciate the presence of animals in my life. Many of my baby pictures feature our pet dogs, my birthday photos always include my furry friends and I believe that they are fantastic listeners! You can guarantee that they will keep your secrets and will not laugh at your mistakes. Animals are, without a doubt, amazing friends.