My Conflict with Trust

I would happily encourage people to trust others most of the time but my own personal issues prevent me from following this advice. I always want to and hope to see the good in others and I try so hard to find it. Everyone has some good in them, right?

My greatest struggle is to be able to trust others knowing they will one day walk away. Knowing they could become a stranger or worse still betray you. I hate the fact that I could pour so much trust into someone just to have it all taken for granted or abused. It takes a lot to trust someone and sometimes so little for them to forget that.

On the flip side, life’s too short to spend so much time and energy keeping yourself hidden away. I guess there’s pieces of yourself that are worth hiding and others that aren’t worth the effort of hiding. It’s an amazing release sometimes to just have a rant, let loose and share your thoughts so is it really so harmful? That is my personal trust debate anyway…

Why I’m starting to hate shopping…

There’s no denying that we live in a very money driven world. In every shop there’s dozens of items for sale that we really don’t need yet are constantly bought anyway. On every sale day there’s people fighting for the best price for more and more items. I’m guilty of buying unnecessary items too of course. I’m sure we all are. Recently however I had a thought that I really disliked. I actually got sad that I didn’t have more money. I got annoyed that so many items are so difficult to afford and that coping financially isn’t easy for me. Maybe I was having these feelings because of the commercialism of the festive season or maybe it was just niggling at me anyway but I definitely didn’t like being annoyed
about something which is technically so fickle. I have a roof over my head, enough clothes and enough food so isn’t that good enough?

I always try to operate under the rule of “A bargain isn’t a bargain unless you are going to use it” but sometimes I mess up in the heat of the moment. I see something, it fits and feels good on and then I realise that I don’t need another t shirt or when am I even going to wear this shirt anyway? I found myself thinking a few months back that I needed a pair of shoes ‘in case I ever need them’. What? If I need them I’ll get them then, simple. We are constantly being bombarded by ads telling us we need the latest technology and the newest clothes. No, you don’t. Buy whatever you really want and if that happens to be the latest technology then great, off you go, but if not then save yourself some money and stick to what you have because if you’re aiming to keep up with the latest trends then you’ll eventually start to feel like you’re just going around in circles. My best advice to you on this issue is to just try not to let money bring you down. Don’t allow yourself to feel bad about something that doesn’t really matter at the end of the day.

Spend more time with those you love doing what you love and I’m sure you’ll feel way better than you did chasing items you think you’ll love.

Take care guys,
Alesbianspeaks

Poem – Better again

These footsteps are now as light as my new attire
My heart is now as warm as a winter fire
I’m in sync with my face for the first time in oh so long
I smile through the saddest words and dance to every song
Wearing black and living in darkness just isn’t my style
It was a dark phase for only a short while
The night is lost as I drown in waves of morning promises
Shaking with happiness I catch all of your wet kisses
I am painted in good fortune, happy in my newest skin
It doesn’t take luck to beat the odds, to win.