It’s Friday and while most people breathe a sigh of relief at the end of the week I am actually totally relieved and absolutely exhausted. When my aunt fell ill and had to begin her revovery in intensive care we didn’t realise just how much it really afffected us all. We discovered that she has a brain aneurysm which also means that we are all in danger of having brain issues. My great grandmother, my mom’s uncle, my uncle and now my aunt have all had issues and because of my own personal headache issues I am apparently in particular danger. I’ve had regular headaches since I was 13 which have intensified throughout the years. I don’t usually draw attention to them but now I think is the time to do just that. I have to get tested as soon as possible according to the doctor today. A CT angiogram will be used to detect any possible brain issues I may have such as clots, an aneurysm or a tumor. That news was hard to digest and while it’s my decision either I get tested or not, my family are strongly encouraging me to do so. If something is discovered in a scan they may not do anything about it depending on size, etc but I can’t help but feel like I would be considered as a ticking time bomb if I did have something wrong with me. I honestly don’t know and I’m not sure if I want to know any exact statistics on the likelihood of there actually being anything wrong with me but, as the doctor said, it’s just a matter of who’s next in our family to get a brain problem of some kind. It’s kinda scary to be honest because it’s beyond my control and I guess I’m finding it difficult to decide if I want to know if anything is wrong. It would change a lot of things if I found out that I, like my aunt, actually do have an aneurysm that could burst at any time despite the careful monitoring that they are offering. It’s still not a guarantee that everything will be okay. My aunt is still not “okay” right now but apparently the aneurysm was what put her in intensive care in the first place.
That’s the news that this week brought me and unfortunately I have no idea what to do yet. All the medical jargon and decisions are quite overwhelming but I’m still here smiling and supporting everyone else. Fuck, this is hard! I know every family has it’s health problems but we never realised that ours was so big until now. Cherish everything and everyone. You never know how much time you have here.