An Irish Lesbian's thoughts and observations…

Posts tagged ‘self esteem’

An Awesome Piece of Advice

Today I was involved in a conversation about anger, challenging behaviour and how to deal with conflict. To be honest with you all, I am the type of person that would happily run a mile from a potential argument but I now realise that’s a habit that I must consider changing. Don’t get me wrong here: I don’t mean that I should be aggressive or irrationally challenging. That would make any situation so much worse. The advice I received today was so simple yet I never considered it before. I was told that if someone does something which upsets me I should always highlight it immediately. I shouldn’t let it slide or think that it doesn’t matter. I shouldn’t be afraid to speak up for myself or defend my feelings.

The woman who gave this advice also claimed that taking this strategy on board herself changed how she valued herself and how others treated her. We all should have a massive amount of respect for ourselves because let’s face it; respecting yourself encourages others to show you the same treatment. I’m going to try telling people that they’ve upset me before they get the opportunity to do it again. It’ll be difficult to break such a long term habit so I guess the greatest challenge will be standing up to my own ideas of what I’m worth rather than the challenge of standing up to the person before me. I think a lot of the time we do not mention the ways others hurt us because we think we don’t deserve to be treated any better than that. You never deserve to have someone intentionally or even unintentionally hurt you. Speak out. You’re worth every syllable.

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Half empty, half full or overflowing?

Today I woke up in a foul mood and because of something insignificant I got annoyed and thought that today was going to be a bad day before it even started. I was never destined to be a psychic, thankfully, and today turned out to be a great day in the end. It was a number of small things that fit together to form a neat little puzzle. When I thought about this puzzle it was the image of a good day.

In the past I was so negative for so long that it became a habit to see every glass and every day as half empty rather than full of possibilities. Negativity consumed me so much. It didn’t achieve anything good. It made me feel so small and worthless. I began to feel like no one (or not many people at least) would even notice or care if I wasn’t around and that’s not a good place to be. I began to think of myself as disposable. I thought that I was a horrible person because I must be if people don’t want to be around me, right? The group of friends I had as a teenager all disappeared leaving me feel like I was never really someone special to them. I realise that people grow apart which is normal, of course,  but I’m the only one from our group of friends that is no longer part of it. I’m the only one that was pushed away. Why? What did I do wrong? Since that group of friends I haven’t been able to maintain a single close friendship. I do try to. I began to think that I wasn’t good enough, fun enough or smart enough for anyone except my wife.

I now find it very difficult to trust others especially when they make promises. A healthy amount of scepticism is probably a good thing. A healthy amount of negativity can act to protect us from bad ideas but it’s our positivity that gives our lives the power to grow. I won’t be dismissing a whole day again because that day can bring you so much happiness if you just let it.

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