An Irish Lesbian's thoughts and observations…

An Awesome Piece of Advice

Today I was involved in a conversation about anger, challenging behaviour and how to deal with conflict. To be honest with you all, I am the type of person that would happily run a mile from a potential argument but I now realise that’s a habit that I must consider changing. Don’t get me wrong here: I don’t mean that I should be aggressive or irrationally challenging. That would make any situation so much worse. The advice I received today was so simple yet I never considered it before. I was told that if someone does something which upsets me I should always highlight it immediately. I shouldn’t let it slide or think that it doesn’t matter. I shouldn’t be afraid to speak up for myself or defend my feelings.

The woman who gave this advice also claimed that taking this strategy on board herself changed how she valued herself and how others treated her. We all should have a massive amount of respect for ourselves because let’s face it; respecting yourself encourages others to show you the same treatment. I’m going to try telling people that they’ve upset me before they get the opportunity to do it again. It’ll be difficult to break such a long term habit so I guess the greatest challenge will be standing up to my own ideas of what I’m worth rather than the challenge of standing up to the person before me. I think a lot of the time we do not mention the ways others hurt us because we think we don’t deserve to be treated any better than that. You never deserve to have someone intentionally or even unintentionally hurt you. Speak out. You’re worth every syllable.

Comments on: "An Awesome Piece of Advice" (10)

  1. Not only does highlighting it immediately prevent festering, but this action can also bring lapses in communication and misunderstood context. The halo effect has a very powerful impact on our interactions. (The halo effect is a cognitive bias that we fill in missing information, factual or contextual from our preconceived notions from a person.) The best way to combat the halo effect is to fill that missing information in, and immediate clarification of perceived slights opens a reciprocal dialog to facilitate that exchange of information.


  2. krisalex333 said:

    I’m one of those ducks – ducking confrontation and I also need to stand up for myself more. Good luck to both of us!


  3. This! Totally! I’m guilty of letting things fester for, like, years. Standing up for yourself: so, so, so important.


  4. Hi,
    That was by far the best and strongest habit i learned; to speak up my feelings, my ideas, stand my ground for what i believe right, being assertive ..

    That’s the way to go girl .. it will take time, and at some difficult times, you’ll feel like running away again, but then say no, fight this bad urge, you owe it to yourself and to your heart ..

    Best of luck my dear ..



  5. The Little Butch That Could (TLBTC) said:

    Absolutely! Cheers.


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