An Irish Lesbian's thoughts and observations…

Archive for June, 2014

Sexy lesbian biscuits! Yes, lesbian biscuits.

Lesbian biscuits! I was having a munch last night (on biscuits, not a rug) and I got thinking about which biscuits would identify as lesbian. I thought of two in particular that could fall into this category so please allow me to introduce you to them…


1. The above Jam Mallows. Why? I think these are symbolic of a vagina. Yes, really.


Get it? The fluffy pink mallow is the lips of a vagina and the jammy centre is the creamy inside. Many people even eat these biscuits by licking out the centre before moving on to the outside. Great tasty treats to practice that tongue action with. Your lady will thank you for all the practice but your hips probably won’t.

2. The second to join this exclusive club is the delicious Cadbury’s Fingers. With a name like that they hardly need an explanation but I shall give you one anyway. What lesbian doesn’t love a finger and what woman doesn’t like chocolate? Well, these biscuits incorporate both of these loves. Amazing, right? I apologise in advance for any disappointment you may experience, however, when your lover offers you a finger and it’s not what you hoped for. These biscuits really are irresistible though, not unlike the action I associate them with.


Maybe you will start assigning your food an orientation now or maybe you will think I’m a silly lez with nothing more interesting to ramble on about but I really did want to share my light bulb moment with you guys! Enjoy your biscuits, whatever orientation they may be.

Missing you, family emergencies and changes

I love you but I must say goodbye – Walking on Cars

You know what wrecks my head? One of the things in life that I still struggle to comprehend… losing people. I am the kind of person that tries so bloody hard to be a good person and a good friend yet the people I was once closest to are now gone. That’s pretty hard to digest. It’s almost impossible to remember such good people without wishing things were the same. I know it may be a childish notion to hope for things to remain unchanging and for people to stay loyal but I know it would make life better in some ways. I miss them so very much. Life goes on but I can’t help questioning how much they really cared, if they ever did.

A few nights ago I had to deal with a very delicate family emergency. I was the one that had to step up and deal with things. Be the strong one for everyone else, be calm, smart and decisive. I realised then that everything had changed. My Mom, aunts and uncles all used to treat me like I was still a child but now I’m the carer and the protector. I always hated that treatment anyway so the change is welcome yet the pressure felt immense. I was out all night until about 5am and ended up in two different hospitals. Trying, helping, in any way I could.

Things are constantly changing so why is that so hard to deal with? Why do I want to hold onto some parts of the past and never let go? It’s a good life that we are all living but the obstacle course is quite a challenge.

An update from my les-life: 4 years!

It’s the summer and love is in the air for some. For those of you that have not been lucky in love: never give up. The 26th of June marks our four year anniversary. We are one of those couples that celebrates the day we got together as well as the day we got married. Life is too short to ignore these special moments. Four years ago I would have told anyone that would listen that marriage isn’t for me but now I’m ready to shout from the rooftops that married life is something special. We’ve had our ups, downs, disagreements and joy. We’ve cried together and we’ve laughed until we cried. I will never take this moment and this happiness for granted.

While there is a lot of bad stuff to worry about and sometimes I can’t even do anything to change it, I have decided that right now, in this moment, none of it matters. The past week has been special for me. I had a mother-daughter day out followed by a shopping trip the next day with my better half. We finished the week with a picnic in a beautiful town beside gleaming boats with the sun beaming down on us. Life is good.

Enjoy the people around you and appreciate what you have. Doing this makes life so much more special and beautiful.

Do you want to see me naked? The media does!

Taylor Momsen of The Pretty Reckless is tackling the portrayal of lesbians in the media in her latest track. I love the moment at the end when the two ladies we thought were lesbians hold up a sign asking “Is this what you wanted to see?”. This aims to shock the audience into thinking about the images we are constantly sent by the media. It seems to have become popular to see heterosexual women kissing each other in music videos but this is something Taylor is not happy about! The video also tackles the issues of money, greed and how women are seen in society. The women featured are dressed in bikinis with one of them standing with “Not a whore” written on het back. This is to emphasise the idea that seeing women’s bodies is appealing but when they wear revealing clothes they are deemed as sluts. Taylor herself is normally seen dressed in dark clothing however here she’s seen wearing brighter colours as a sarcastic way of doing exactly what the mainstream world often wants to see.

Sex after marriage gets better, trust me!

Some people say that when you get married your sex life changes for the worst and becomes less exciting. I totally disagree! Today my wife and I had the kind of crazy passionate lust driven sex that is often something that only new couples experience. She drove me crazy with her touch and drew me in to her more and more with each soft kiss as they slowly became harder kisses. The difference, for us, is that we now know each other and our bodies so well that we can almost read each other’s minds. We know exactly what we both love and it makes things more special. Our kisses are filled with love. Our longing for each comes from a desire reserved for steady lovers. I never slept with anyone before my wife so she is all I know yet everything still feels so perfect. I must admit today was definitely different than usual. I felt so close to her in every way. I never would have imagined a few years ago that someone could say so many things without uttering a single word. Each kiss begs for another and every touch is inspired by the deepest love and trust. I believe in the power of words but actions really say so much more, don’t they?

Here’s the romantic part… On the 26th of this month we will be together four years and yet we are still making love like we are only together four weeks. Married life does change things but only for the better, in my opinion. We finished a beautiful day with a romantic meal together. It’s amazing that we both usually eat different things but our favourite meal happens to be the same thing so that’s what we had. I didn’t think it was possible but I fall more in love with this beautiful woman every day. Myself and Mrs alesbianspeaks are just as happy now as we were on that stunningly bright summers day when we first kissed all those years ago. We actually said “I love you” for the first time the day we got together. Cheesy, right? Sometimes love is cheesy and that’s not necessarily a bad thing.

Lesbians sleep with women… simple!

Recently my wife and I were on a night out and were really enjoying ourselves then we got chatting to a guy that seemed quite nice at first until he thought that he had hit the jackpot by meeting this married couple. It seems like he basically thought that we were only gay because we hadn’t met him yet. The usual attitude of a drunk guy full of arrogance and hoping to take home not one but two lesbians. He was very pushy, insisting that if we hadn’t been with him then we couldn’t possibly know for sure that we are gay. It was actually quite amusing to be fair. I think marrying a woman was a fairly solid display of how certain I am of my sexuality but apparently that wasn’t clear enough for some people to comprehend. When his “You need a taste of me” angle failed he started to tell us about other lesbians he had slept with. He even claimed to have slept with some more than once. At this point I had no other option but to ask the poor guy if he actually knew what a lesbian is. I tried to tell him that if a woman is willing to sleep with him, especially more than once, that it would be safe to say that she is probably bisexual, not gay.

Finally, he gave the “I’m amazing in bed” speech one last try. At this point we just walked off. We were originally having a great conversation with this guy before sex came into it. Is everyone obsessed with sex lately or is it just men? I really can’t understand why it is so important for men to try to get with a lesbian. Is it like a trophy or something to them? The unattainable prize is this lady loving lez? Well, guys, sorry to break it to you but a lesbian is only interested in women. Using this logic it seems pretty simple to me: a man will never ever sleep with a lesbian because a lesbian, by definition, doesn’t sleep with men. Why is this concept so difficult to understand?

Let’s talk about Lauren Aquilina


There isn’t many singers that catch my attention so much from one single song. Lauren’s song Fools held my attention from the first time that I heard it. It’s a beautiful song with enchanting lyrics and I can’t recommend her enough. Listen to her music and I’m sure you will hear her brilliance for yourselves. Feel free to comment with any music suggestions or let me know what you think of Lauren Aquilina!

Those hardest to love need it most

Song for anyone who felt hurt or depressed

Growing up she dreamt of her fairytale
She wished for wings or the power to sail
She longed for that crazy, beautiful dance
She longed for you to give her a chance

Going out of her mind and into the sea of luck
The water was like quicksand. She became stuck.
Her head throbbed with the pain of a thousand dreams
Dancing alone is never as fun as it seems

Counting stars across the sky
Beautiful ones waiting to die
Swinging back and forth cradled in life’s grip
Every word becomes a lashing whip
Counting the minutes you gave to her soul
The cracks are there now but you expect her to be whole
The dark clouds were distant but now they’re near
She has no fight left. Now they’re almost here.

Her eyes stung with the taste of a million tears
Do we live to obey love or simple fears?
She had so many questions to ask someone somewhere
Her lips burned with words she’d never share

Hit me she screamed, make me feel pain
Make me feel anything, just feel again
She pinched her arm but she was too numb
Was it a dream waiting for life to come?

Counting stars across the sky
Beautiful ones waiting to die
Swinging back and forth cradled in life’s grip
Every word becomes a lashing whip
Counting the minutes you gave to her soul
The cracks are there now but you expect her to be whole
The dark clouds were distant but now they’re near
She has no fight left. Now they’re here.

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