Sexy lesbian biscuits! Yes, lesbian biscuits.

Lesbian biscuits! I was having a munch last night (on biscuits, not a rug) and I got thinking about which biscuits would identify as lesbian. I thought of two in particular that could fall into this category so please allow me to introduce you to them…

1. The above Jam Mallows. Why? I think these are symbolic of a vagina. Yes, really.

Get it? The fluffy pink mallow is the lips of a vagina and the jammy centre is the creamy inside. Many people even eat these biscuits by licking out the centre before moving on to the outside. Great tasty treats to practice that tongue action with. Your lady will thank you for all the practice but your hips probably won’t.

2. The second to join this exclusive club is the delicious Cadbury’s Fingers. With a name like that they hardly need an explanation but I shall give you one anyway. What lesbian doesn’t love a finger and what woman doesn’t like chocolate? Well, these biscuits incorporate both of these loves. Amazing, right? I apologise in advance for any disappointment you may experience, however, when your lover offers you a finger and it’s not what you hoped for. These biscuits really are irresistible though, not unlike the action I associate them with.

Maybe you will start assigning your food an orientation now or maybe you will think I’m a silly lez with nothing more interesting to ramble on about but I really did want to share my light bulb moment with you guys! Enjoy your biscuits, whatever orientation they may be.

Sex after marriage gets better, trust me!

Some people say that when you get married your sex life changes for the worst and becomes less exciting. I totally disagree! Today my wife and I had the kind of crazy passionate lust driven sex that is often something that only new couples experience. She drove me crazy with her touch and drew me in to her more and more with each soft kiss as they slowly became harder kisses. The difference, for us, is that we now know each other and our bodies so well that we can almost read each other’s minds. We know exactly what we both love and it makes things more special. Our kisses are filled with love. Our longing for each comes from a desire reserved for steady lovers. I never slept with anyone before my wife so she is all I know yet everything still feels so perfect. I must admit today was definitely different than usual. I felt so close to her in every way. I never would have imagined a few years ago that someone could say so many things without uttering a single word. Each kiss begs for another and every touch is inspired by the deepest love and trust. I believe in the power of words but actions really say so much more, don’t they?

Here’s the romantic part… On the 26th of this month we will be together four years and yet we are still making love like we are only together four weeks. Married life does change things but only for the better, in my opinion. We finished a beautiful day with a romantic meal together. It’s amazing that we both usually eat different things but our favourite meal happens to be the same thing so that’s what we had. I didn’t think it was possible but I fall more in love with this beautiful woman every day. Myself and Mrs alesbianspeaks are just as happy now as we were on that stunningly bright summers day when we first kissed all those years ago. We actually said “I love you” for the first time the day we got together. Cheesy, right? Sometimes love is cheesy and that’s not necessarily a bad thing.

Lesbians sleep with women… simple!

Recently my wife and I were on a night out and were really enjoying ourselves then we got chatting to a guy that seemed quite nice at first until he thought that he had hit the jackpot by meeting this married couple. It seems like he basically thought that we were only gay because we hadn’t met him yet. The usual attitude of a drunk guy full of arrogance and hoping to take home not one but two lesbians. He was very pushy, insisting that if we hadn’t been with him then we couldn’t possibly know for sure that we are gay. It was actually quite amusing to be fair. I think marrying a woman was a fairly solid display of how certain I am of my sexuality but apparently that wasn’t clear enough for some people to comprehend. When his “You need a taste of me” angle failed he started to tell us about other lesbians he had slept with. He even claimed to have slept with some more than once. At this point I had no other option but to ask the poor guy if he actually knew what a lesbian is. I tried to tell him that if a woman is willing to sleep with him, especially more than once, that it would be safe to say that she is probably bisexual, not gay.

Finally, he gave the “I’m amazing in bed” speech one last try. At this point we just walked off. We were originally having a great conversation with this guy before sex came into it. Is everyone obsessed with sex lately or is it just men? I really can’t understand why it is so important for men to try to get with a lesbian. Is it like a trophy or something to them? The unattainable prize is this lady loving lez? Well, guys, sorry to break it to you but a lesbian is only interested in women. Using this logic it seems pretty simple to me: a man will never ever sleep with a lesbian because a lesbian, by definition, doesn’t sleep with men. Why is this concept so difficult to understand?

Poem – Your body plus mine

Your skin sets my body alight
I want to grab you and pull you tight
To me, to my being, you are everything
You make my stomach twirl and my heart sing

Your face, your lips, they drive me crazy
Let’s trade: all of you for all of me
Your arms belong around my waist
Your lips are mine alone to taste

Let me surrender the best of me to your kiss
We’ll make our own paradise in total bliss
Give me all of you to dress in my love
To lay with you forever would never be enough

My thighs wrap perfectly around your hips
You write I love you with your fingertips
So beautiful, amazing, drown me in your romance
Passion and lust, our most sensual dance.

Fancy me, love me or just want to tick a box?

As a younger lesbian. I was unashamedly flattered when someone expressed an attraction towards me. It felt amazing to know that someone was interested in me and that I was the person on their mind. Recently, however, it was said to me that many lesbians just develop a crush on the lesbians they encounter simply because they are a new conquest. Basically this person believes that lesbians have an uncontrollable desire to follow this kind of a pattern…

1). They zone in on their latest prey.
2). They obsess relentlessly over this person.
3). They kiss/ have sex with/ date this person.
4). Then move onto the next person with great ease.
5). They don’t spare a second thought to said person ‘cos real feelings for them never existed.

WHAT??!! Is this true girls? I’ll admit, I was the type of person who tried not to become invested in relationships because I was afraid of being hurt but this concept just seems unbelievable to me. Do any lesbians actually actively pursue such a lifestyle even throughout adulthood? I hope I’m not coming across as judgemental. I just wanted to know if people do this often because we all want to settle down sometime or at least be in a concrete relationship so how does one follow the above steps with such determination for a long period of time?  Fun is fun and a crush can be short or long lived. That’s fine. Relationships, one night stands, random kisses, they are all a part of life and growing up and I get that. What I don’t get is how someone can be so immune to love and heartbreak. I was once happy to kiss anyone that I had even the slightest attraction to because it was ‘just a kiss’ and I made it clear that it would not go further than that and develop into ‘something more’. Does that mean I even partially took part in the lesbian ritual of unemotional encounters or was it just a part of growing up? There should be a handbook on this stuff. I may have been the object of someone’s affection or I may have been simply a target. Sounds like such a strange theory.

Any thoughts on this? Do you know of anyone who indulged in such behaviour or have you done it yourself? Do you have a crush on anyone right now?