An Irish Lesbian's thoughts and observations…

The One Who Cheated On Me

I was a naive seventeen year old when I was in a relationship with an older woman. She seemed genuinely interested in our relationship and enjoyed being around me and my friends, even travelling over an hour to just be with us for a short while sometimes. It was not a serious relationship at all and we were both fine with that. I was still going through my “Love isn’t for me” phase back then. I started to enjoy being around her to be honest.

It’s always the things you don’t see or hear that are the most important pieces of the puzzle and that’s exactly what that relationship taught me. After we broke up a friend of mine confessed that a friend of my ex’s actually told him to warn me off of her because she was not a good person. He felt like he would have been speaking out of place and that I wouldn’t appreciate the interference so he chose to keep quiet. That didn’t bother me too much because I didn’t have any emotions invested in the whole situation so I didn’t waste much time thinking about it.

For some unknown reason the ex felt like it was a great idea to contact me and admit to sleeping with several men while we were dating. That stung! I felt surprised that she cared so little. I was actually hurt that I meant so little that it wasn’t even worth remaining faithful in our relationship. I guess I felt like an idiot for thinking that by being a good girlfriend myself that I would be rewarded with the same treatment. I blamed myself and felt ugly. I felt like faulty goods actually. I thought I must have missed some signs. I wondered was that the fact that I hadn’t slept with anyone before and wasn’t willing to sleep with her to blame. I also wondered why someone who claimed to be a lesbian had cheated on me with guys. I hated that I had thought of our relationship as “just fun” but she thought cheating on me was more fun.

Sure, it was far from serious, but it still hurt to be cheated on not once but several times. When I asked her why she did it she simply said “Because I could and it was fun.”

That whole experience made me realise that not every woman, whatever age they may be, will care as much as you do. It also showed me that cheating is all too common and it can happen to any of us for any reason. So many different things motivate people to be unfaithful and, no, it’s not your fault that you were cheated on. The young dreamer within me back then had not yet seen women as just as capable as men at being ignorant to the emotions of fellow ladies. I think a part of me even hoped that women treated each other with the care you’d place on fragile glass. Everyone is capable of hurting you. Too often we forget that. It was a hard lesson to learn but at least I learnt it quite early in life. I know that being cheated on hurts when you aren’t invested in the relationship so I’m sure it would be absolutely heartbreaking if you are.

Comments on: "The One Who Cheated On Me" (7)

  1. I know we can’t live our lives afraid that we will be hurt of cheated on but it is hard to not be scared that we will have our hearts broken. I have never been cheated on but for some reason I am scared to death that it will happen one day and I won’t trust anyone ever again.


  2. somniumlucem said:

    I really do not understand why some people do the things they do or say the things they say. Or just simply, why?
    It’s like my ex, who showered me with compliments and then decided she doesn’t want a relationships with ANYONE and then three days after tells me she moved on and is seeing someone else. And I too, now feel ugly and inadequate even though it is their fault for acting the way they did, both in your situation and in mine.


    • It takes a bit of time to move past the emotions associated with being treated that way but you’ll make it through. You’ll probably even be stronger than ever – I was. 🙂

      You deserved more honesty than that though and I’m sorry to hear you were treated that way. I don’t know why people have such disregard for others.


  3. You might have come out of that a lot worse. It’s a good thing really that your seventeen year old self was not looking for a real love connection.

    I like your new lion picture by the way.


    • Yep, it definitely was lucky that I wasn’t very invested in it. I know it wasn’t a terribly bad situation but it still taught me a lesson.

      Thank you, I’m glad you like it! 🙂


  4. I think it was a shit move for her to pour that on your plate just to clear her conscious.


    • Yep, it definitely was a very selfish move. I can understand that doing things in order to help yourself and sometimes it’s necessary to be selfish but how can making other people feel bad actually make you feel better. I think it’s totally unfair.


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