An Irish Lesbian's thoughts and observations…


Where do you begin when there isn’t an ending yet? Well, I suppose I should start at my beginning. The beginning I can remember anyway. I am a survivor of sexual abuse which happened frequently throughout my childhood until I was around 14. These horrible things were inflicted upon me by three different men. Things like that leave their mark on you in more ways than you can ever imagine. My head was in a spin from it all. My Mother and I left behind our family home in order to get away from one of my abusers. We left one evening with no idea what to do next. We had no income, no home of our own and very little possessions. Years later we have much better lives.

It was getting to this stage that was difficult. I always say that people should talk about their problems and their issues. True to my own advice, talking is exactly what I did. Unfortunately people often didn’t know how to react to the issues I had. It wasn’t their fault. It is hard to give advice to someone who’s in the situation I was in. I fought for justice for six years against one of these men. During those six years the court case was adjourned many times, new items were asked for such as my medical records and even notes from counselling sessions of mine, and in the end he was found not guilty. I appealed this decision and finally got the guilty verdict I so desperately wanted. By then I had leaned on many different people for support and I worried that they were going to look at me differently or see me as a burden. I was raped, sexually abused, emotionally tortured, stalked and afterwards I was ripped apart on the witness stand more than once. I had self harmed, I had swollen knuckles on several occasions from inflicting pain upon myself and the nearest wall. I attended counselling. I had support from youth workers and even teachers. I also had help from my friends. Despite their willingness to help I still couldn’t help being afraid that I was asking for too much by talking to them.

What changed my perspective on my fears was actually a mail on Facebook from a good friend of mine. She told me that listening to me and seeing me going through my personal battles inspired her to actually finally speak to someone about hers and to face something that she had avoided for many years. You think you are being a nuisance but in reality you are probably your confidants’ greatest inspiration. I was. Talking is so important and I really cannot stress that enough. I may reveal more of my history in time but for now feel free to ask me anything and if I feel comfortable answering your questions then I will. Take care, wonderful people.

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Comments on: "I’m A Survivor, Never A Victim" (6)

  1. There was a young woman I had been around some for several years. Not friends actually, but aquantiances. Not too long ago, she told me how I was her role model. She watched me raise my kids alone while working. She saw me persevere. It gave her encouragement as she is raising a child alone now. It is something to ponder how others around us watch us and take things to apply to their own lives.

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    • It certainly is interesting. While we are simply surviving and doing what we have to do to get on with our lives we could still be bringing inspiration to those around us. It’s a great thought, really. The world and so many people in it can really be so amazing.
      My Mom also became a single parent and it’s not an easy job. Well done for your strength. I’m sure you are a brilliant Mother.

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  2. Thank you for sharing you are a courageous warrior Womyn.

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  3. Your post title speaks eloquently for who you are – a survivor. After having read your post, I think you can add “victor” to the title. To have come so far, to have spoken up against the perpetrators, gone to court, appealed and won – wow! I take my cap off to you. I have walked the road alongside my partner who had been in similar abuse situations and it has taken her years of counselling to work through it. Since she started opening up and talking about it, the healing could begin. Because I know the emotional hurt and pain you suffered and still suffer, my heart bleeds for you. Yes, speak up and speak out. It is time that victims throw off the blame they feel undeservedly onto the abusers who should be outed and should suffer and be punished for their abdominal deeds. As you can perhaps deduce from my tone, abuse in all forms, makes me see red in anger. Take care of yourself. If you are okay with it, have a few hugs.

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    • Thank you so much for your kind words. It wasn’t an easy battle but it was mine and I do feel like a stronger person now that I’ve made it through and have gotten my happy ending.
      I’m glad your partner has seen a counsellor. Counselling was an invaluable help for me. Friends are a great support too but not quite like what a counsellor can offer. I haven’t been in counselling for a few years now but it gave me the tools required to deal with everything.
      Self blame is something I still struggle to control but at least now I realise it is unnecessary. Abusers are indescribable. I really do struggle to sum up my hatred for anyone who can do such terrible deeds.

      I’m happy to hear that you are there for your partner. Thank you for being such a great support. Hugs to you also! 🙂

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