Why on earth does your appearance have to matter so much? We live in a world where looks are so important that we even sometimes act like someone’s shell is too hard to crack through so we don’t try to see what’s inside. I was unhappy with my body before I lost weight. Now? I’m still unhappy with my shell.
It doesn’t help when the majority of the supposedly hot or good looking women out there, especially in the land of lesbian tv, are thin and super confident. I mean, really, who could possibly be that confident? The “best looking” women in both BBC’s Lip Service and Showtime’s The L Word are way thinner than the majority of the women I know. This is okay in tv land where perfection is normal but translated into the real world that equals to some pretty insecure lesbians of every shape and size. It seems to be believed that curvy ladies aren’t desirable but of course they are! I think the fight to lose weight should be done for health reasons not to impress anyone else. Trust me, if they look straight past you because of your looks then they are not a “let’s be together forever no matter how much wrinkles change your face or how much your goods sag” type of person.
Callie from Grey’s Anatomy is the type of beautiful woman that is the wonderful lesbian role model we need more of. She is normal while still being the object of many lesbians desire. (Below, right)
When I was heavy I felt like I needed to be like the skinny girls to be considered attractive.
I thought that I needed to have better clothes or cooler hair.
I thought that people saw me as ugly and I definitely saw myself as ugly.
Now I see that it was all in my mind. I need to learn to love myself and the person I am while challenging the things I am truly unhappy about and changing them, where possible. I still find myself becoming overly sensitive when I receive comments about my weight loss. Is there a hidden meaning behind these comments or is it simply a compliment? Or maybe just an observation? Usually it is just a simple comment. I will always be too skinny, too curvy, too butch, too girly, too whatever for someone somewhere so I no longer care what the someone’s think. The really amazing thing about us ladies is that we come in so many different packages but someone is always out there waiting to open your wrappings and find the real you hidden beneath. The even better thing about us lesbians is that in a relationship there will, more than likely, be two equally self conscious women who can understand each other’s feelings. Knowing that my wife loves my looks makes me feel more confident and more attractive. I feel honoured that it’s me that she desires. Most of us women love being told that we’re beautiful so make sure you tell your lady how good she looks everyday. I still need to tell myself that I look great until I finally start to believe myself. Being told that I’m beautiful by my wife is wonderful but I won’t feel beautiful until I embrace my body, flaws included. Love yourself.