An Irish Lesbian's thoughts and observations…

Where’s Wally?


Living in rural Ireland over a long period of time will give you insight into life inside a goldfish bowl. People tend to know of people and even know a lot about them even if they have never spoken before. With such an environment surrounding you one would think that finding fellow lesbians wouldn’t be so hard. Think again! Imagine you’re an animal trapped in your section of the zoo and you can only see a limited number of your species around you… That’s the LGBT community of rural Ireland in a nut shell. So here I am trying to break to mould, stand out and speak as an Irish lesbian living her life “in captivity”. My hope is that in time to come it won’t feel like finding a needle in a haystack and that people will eventually feel comfortable enough to come out and scream joyfully about their sexuality on a daily basis, not just at Pride marches. I often feel like I can connect more with other LGBT people than I can with our straight counterparts. Most people in this community feel the same. How do you feel about your connection with other LGBT’s? Do you feel like it’s an unbreakable bond or do you think the sense of solidarity you once felt is long gone?

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Comments on: "Where’s Wally?" (8)

  1. I’m sorry to hear that your friend is having such a hard time and is forced to hide his true self. It is outrageous that someone’s life and happiness is such an issue to some people out there.
    It really frustrates me when people interfere so much that it actually makes you feel like your real identity or desires are not acceptable in this world. I firmly believe that these people who attack gay and trans people in any way cannot possibly be truly happy with their own lives. If they were then why would what we are doing bother them so much?

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    • exactly, there is clearly something wrong with the mentality of some people in this country, but it’s so widespread its hard to imagine what it could possibly be. If everyone was just left alone and allowed to be whoever they wanted, the world would be so much better off for it.

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      • It really would be such an amazing world if that was the case! Your friend is lucky to have you. Sometimes it just takes one person saying “It’s okay” to assure you that you’re not abnormal and that the real you deserve to be seen and heard 🙂

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  2. I know this post is from a while ago, but I came across it just now and I just wanted to share my thoughts… Apologies for the length in advance.

    I partially agree with what tric said above. Things have improved in some places, but I also think they have not in others. I’m a 17 year old, straight, cis girl, living in a rural town near limerick. Day in and day out I am accused of being a lesbian because I refuse to “shift” any guy who asks, I don’t drink, I don’t go to discos and my best friend has short hair. That, apparently, makes me a lesbian.
    One of my best guy friends is straight and cis, but because he straightens his hair and wears skinny jeans, he is constantly being called names, like “faggot”, despite the fact he has had a couple of girlfriends.
    My best friend is a transguy, who can’t come out because the majority of people in my town are complete assholes. My school is literally full of racists and anti-LGBT morons who think they’re superior because they’re “normal”. There is no acceptance of people who are in any way outside what is considered “normal.” And I really don’t understand that struggle personally. I don’t give a crap if people throw water out of bus windows at me and shout lesbian at me. But what does kill me is watching my very best friend suffer, having to wear a girl’s school uniform and go by his female birth name because only a minority of people will accept him for who he is. I mean our school principle would probably have a heart attack if he was asked to change his birth name to his actual name on the school roll.
    Rural Ireland has a problem with LGBT people. I don’t know why our country is so backwards. It’s probably because of the hold the catholic church has over most adults. But young people are not as afraid of the church… But yet there is stereotyping and name calling, and general refusal to accept LGBT rights among young people in rural areas still. It is something that I don’t understand.

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  3. That’s true. as a Lesbian I don’t feel victimized but I do wish that it was easier to connect with other LGBT people in a rural setting. I’d like to filter through the drama which is often in the gay scene to find the community spirit I know we are capable of. 🙂

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  4. My brother is gay and in a long term partnership living in Dublin. I remember one night going out with him and we were having a great time. We went to a popular gay night club and I was enjoying myself dancing away until my brothers partner came over and said “look around, many of these are living a lie in rural Ireland or are married”. I have never forgotten how I felt looking around after that.

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    • the attitude of people living in rural Ireland is often very different to those in cities. of course, not everyone in rural Ireland is in the closet (my partner and I are out and proud!). A lot of people also like to move to larger cities to find acceptance. It’s so interesting to learn about the contrast in attitudes across Ireland. Personally, I’ve heard of a straight man who was married to a woman but sleeping with men whenever he got the opportunity to.

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      • I think back to when my brother came out and I do think things have improved enormously. It is not something that is seen to completely define someone anymore. i am not sure there is greater tolerance in cities, only anonymity.

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